Yep, we got 'em. Tobey is his name. He's a albino streaker and was clocked at 5.63 miles per hour over a 25-foot course on a gymnasium floor. That's 9.06 kilometers per hour for our metric friends with their o-so-slow European, Australian, and Japanese ferrets, et al. After some 25 ferrets competed in 46 swimming trials at our Ferret Olympics last August in Seattle's Lake Washington, the fastest swimmer was a silver mitt hob by the name of Benjamin, owned by Greg Olthoff. His velocity in the water was clocked at 1.74 miles per hour ( 2.8 kilometers per hour). Sooo! Ferrets NorthWest issues this challenge to the entire world: Beat us if you can, you bunch of slowpokes! We challenge you to compete in our Ferret Olympic Trials the last Sunday in June at Sayre's Park on the shore of formerly salmon- infested Lake Washington. And for those too scared to dare challenge our Super-dooper ferrets (makes those so-called League of Super Ferrets look ] like creampuffs) you can get a second chance the last Sunday in August, when we do it again. NOTE: For our foreign adversaries, clock your ferrets to the 1/100 second over a precisely measured course 25-feet (7.62 meters) long and compute the ferret's velocity in Miles Per Hour MPH or Kilometers Per Hour KPH. Post your results to us at Ferrets NorthWest which we will proudly report. We rely on your honesty. For the swimming competition, tie 1-foot subsurface a white line (non-stretchable) between two posts stuck in the lake bottom and jutting out of the water at a distance from each other of 25-feet (7.62 meters) precisely. Ensure that the Frettchenlustbarkeitsfuerher (Ferret Frolics Leader) guides the swimming ferret directly above the white line, so that its course is straight as can be between the two posts imbedded in the lake bottom. It is verboten for the ferret to touch the beach or any underwater projection during its progress swimming between the two posts. A timer judge, either on shore or in the water, must measure the ferret's time swimming between the two posts to the 1/100 second. Then compute the ferrets speed as required, both metric and American, non-metric. Suggested computation method: Multiply the reciprocal of the time in seconds times the constant k 17.04545 to yield the speed in miles per hour. OR Multiply the reciprocal of the time in seconds times the constant k 27.432 to yield the speed in kilometers per hour. Good luck to you one and all. But, don't be sad if you cannot beat our great American ferrets; for you see, they are simply the greatest fastest ferrets in the entire world! Edward Lipinski, Der Frettchenlustbarkeitsfuerher, who wishes you all: Frettchen Vergnuegen! [G.] Ferret joy! [Posted in FML issue 2252]