To Ferretophiles hither, thither, and yon: Some day in the not too distant future, wouldn't it be wondeful if the ferret events that take place all over the USA (and even the world) could be based on a uniform series of events. I mean that no matter where in the world ferrets were being urged to compete, they'd be competing to the same standards; thus all the results would be comparable, such that a French ferret swimming the 25-foot (7.62 meters) olympic swim course would register a time (to 1/100sec) that would be precisely comparable to a Vancouver, Canadian ferret swimming the same length course in a fresh-water Canuck lake. If this were the case, would it not be absolutely wonderful then to compare ferrets worldwide based on the identical standards of performance? Seems to me that such measurements of ferret functions would provide a unique baseline of ferret health and ability, not to mention Nationalistic pride, such as, for example, our Australian ferret "Jingo" just beat the pants off the German Frettchen "Fritzie" by achieving a land speed of 5.79 miles per hour (9.32 kilometers per hour over a grass race course of 25 feet (7.62 meters). "Fritzie's speed was previously announced at 5.70 mph (9.17 kph) at the Berlin Tiergarten. Thus the Land-Speed World Cup goes to Melbourne from Berlin effective this date! So, somewhat like Martin Luther King, "I have a Dream, that someday we will all come together," and our fuzzies, no matter where in the world they reside, will ba akin as brothers and sisters to one another in what they can and do do. Thus, in my own very, very small way let me continue to describe some more of the most delightful ferret events I've invented here in Seattle that allow us to see most vividly just how well (and poorly) ferrets do do. Come to think of it, maybe there's a possibility of having a ferret do-do contest, such as, ah - let me think - The ExLax, "I can squirt it farther than you can" contest! Or, "Don't aim that end at me!" contest. Calm down, Edward: don't get carried away just because you think that Charmin Toilet Paper Company would be a willful sponsor. Sooo, just thought I'd put my toe in the water here; get some idea of the reaction of the FrettchenVolk (that's "Ferret People" to you in Rio Linda, as Rush Limbaugh would gleefully say!) to organizing international ferret olympic competitions: to do what, when, where, how, and by what standards? Not to brag just a little, (No, I want to brag one helluva lot) but we've uncovered the fastest ferret in the world here in Seattle at 5.63 mph (9.06 kmph). His name is TOBEY, the white blurrrr. Since this posting is a little on the long side, please check out my second posting this date that further describes a few more of the ferret olympic events I've managed to dream up in my more sadistic reveries: See, "Ferret Olympics, Continued, By "Edju" Lipinski." ("Edju" the diminutive form for "Edward" in the language of the Poles.) Omne ignotum pro magnifico. [L.] Everything unknown is assumed to be wonderful. Edward Lipinski, Frettchenvergnuegen from the Frettchenlustbarkeitsfuehrer ! Frettchenvergnuegen [G.] Joy of Ferrets. F...fuehrer [G.] Ferret frolics leader. [F]erret [E]ndowment for [R]esearch,[R]ehab, [E]ducation & [T]raining [S]ociety, NorthWest. [Posted in FML issue 2221]