Greetings fellow ferret freaks, I ,too, have had a ferret with a taste for the suds. It all started when one of my roommates left a glass of wine on the coffeetable. I found the glass tipped over and Lugnut was sipping away like crazy. He looked up at me with a glazed look, grinning from ear to ear, hiccuped, and promptly fell off the table. After picking himself up, he staggered off, first staggering to the right, then lurching to the left, hiccuping at every other step. He finally straightened out, only to be stopped dead by the unseen sliding glass door. BONK! He finally made it to his bed and immediately passed out. I got a laugh out of it, thinking it harmless fun. Little did I know, it was only the beginning of the problems to come. In the weeks that followed I began noticing things. I would go to grab an unopened beer can, only to find it empty with four little holes poked in the side. The bottle of tequila seemed to be getting watered down. I blamed it all on the mice living in the basement. They were always the trouble-making sort. Then I noticed changes in Lugnut. He started becoming withdrawn, he would lash out at the other ferrets for no apparent reason, he become moody. His wardances became more of a warstagger. He began hanging out with a rough crowd, a local ferret motorcycle gang called Hell's Weezils. He would come in later and later each night. It wasn't until I got the call from the police to come pick him up from jail that I realized he had a problem. He had been thrown in detox for drunk and disorderly behavior. At the police station, the officer explained to me why it was bad to let my ferret behave that way in public and get arrested, especially since they didn't have handcuffs small enough, and ferrets can climb right out that little opening in the door of the cell. During the ride back home I could tell he was depressed with the turn his life had taken. When we got home, the other ferrets were anxiously awaiting us. After explaining the situation, we set about cheering Lugnut up, which wasn't hard since ferrets can't stay depressed for very long. The very next day Lugnut enrolled in LFA (Lush Ferrets Anonymous), a 12 bounce program for ferrets in his situation. I am happy to say that with the love and support from us, Lugnut has been on the wagon ever since. Mikey B & The Weezils of Doom [Posted in FML issue 2004]