Dear FMLers, I am starting a monthly column for my company's news letter and was wondering if BIG can post this article for everybody's perusal and correction I will be dealling with the ferret ignorant and wanted to be correct and not butter up the issue. That's what education is supposted to be about right? Thanks for any correction for my mistakes Phil,Kristie, Loki ( the Ferret God Of Mischief) Snicker("ooo! we'll be in the paper!") Tootsie-roll("not the paper, silly. The newsletter.") My alarm clock is not electric, nor does it need to be wound up. It does not tick, or hum, or bong. Instead it purrs, or howls, or dooks. Dooks? What kind of alarm clock dooks? Why, a ferret of course. A ferrret?, you might ask. Why would someone want a ferret? What good do they do? Aren't they those filthy animals that eat babies? Good questions, I would say. The same questions I asked when my Better-Half said she wanted one (or three). So, I did what every other red blooded internet junky would do. I surfed to learn. First stop, what is a ferret? From the Ferret FAQ's (http://ferret-world.csc.peachnet.edu/) , the domestic Ferret ( Mustela Putorius Furo ) is a relative of the Otter, the skunk, the mink, and the weazel. Normaly descented and spayed (or neutered), the ferret won't establish in the wild, though extremley rare it can happen; only twice that I have heard about and never in the United States. Wow, I thought, I must go on. Zen and the Art of Ferrets (http://www.zenferrets.com) showed me that some people, the ferret owners, were totally dedicated to their ferrets. Some people made this their lives by dedicating their lives and their homes to saving ferrets that are mistreated. I decided that this phenomena should be investigated first hand. My first ferret was Loki which, as I found out, is an apt name for this ferret. Shortly I found the answer to the question of, what are they good for. Nothing! It's not what they are good for, but how they act. If you have ever been to the circus and seen a clown falling all over himself to get from one end of the ring to another, then you might have an idea. If you have ever seen a baby run at top speed though a house and babling to himself as he investigates everthing with a big ol' grin on his fac e, you have an idea of what i'm talking about. They don't catch mice, they don't guard your house, the don't clean your kitchen. They will keep you rolling on the floor. Two more ferrets arived at the house, Snicker and Toosie-Roll. With three curious, hyperactive baby-clowns there was no lack of entertainment. But I needed more information about these love-bundles. After joining a mailing list for ferret people (http://ferret-world.csc.peachnet.edu/), I learned what I had been missing and I am still learning more every day. That funny noise that my ferrets make "dook, dook, dook" is their happy giggle sound. The ugly rummor that ferrets eat babies was a half truth. Ferrets, if grossly mistreated and neglected, have been known to become short tempered, just like dogs, cats and humans and turn nasty. As far as I know there are far fewer cases of ferret bites than cat bites, or dog bites. Ferrets do nip just like Kittens and puppies because that's the way they learn the pecking order in their pack (or business as they are called). With my feers alayed and the ferrets dooking happily in thier cage every morning letting me know that I have to go to work, I rest happy and safe in the knowledge that they love me and I'll be amused by their antics when I return home at night. Phil Hadley Web Design http://www.gn-intl.net/phractal [Posted in FML issue 1919]