I think I survived the dreaded dissertation review from hell. Mind you, I said I think I survived. I see Elizabeth has been busy again. Ho ho ho. I will get even with her, just you wait. Maybe I'll tell about last year when she was running the mile in the state meet on a very hot day, and threw up. While running. Didn't even slow down. She went on to qualify, and I got the entire thing on tape. So who will show what at the FML get-to-gether next year, hum? Elizabeth? If you thought I was on the road a lot last summer, wait until you hear what starts next month. Grab yer pencils and papers boys and girls, 'cause I will be coming through your state! May: Los Angeles (Natural History), Berkeley (UCB) (1.5 weeks) June: Washington DC (Smithsonian) (2 weeks) July: New York (American Museum) (2 weeks) August: Pittsburg (Carnegie) or New Haven (Peabody) (7 days) September: New Haven or Pittsburg (7 days) January '98: Orlando (With Elizabeth) April '98: Pullman, Seattle, Vancouver (3 weeks) May '98: Bozeman, Montana; Denver, Colorado; Lawrence, Kansas (2 weeks) June '98: Key West to Seattle (biking with Andrew; Graduation Present) Of course I am blantantly soliciting cold hard floors to sleep on and the occasional stale taco thrown my way. Actually, and more to the point, I'm soliciting ferret-time. I'll be missing my own, so far from home, and will need fuzzy hungs from time to time. I might even have to adopt one. (Hummm....maybe my new hobby will be adopting a ferret from every state. Let's see...Oregon, California, Kansas, Missouri, and Illinois. I'd better get going; I've still got 45 to go!) Hosts of the Bob Show get to tell humorous stories about my ferret-related activities, detailing my long, rich and thick hair, the beauty of my multicolored shorts, and wonder at the scope of my T-shirt collection. They also get membership in the Offal Bob Fan Club, which entitles the member to one free "Bob," a picture of one of my ferrets, a certificate that states you have done your civic duty and helped further science by offically assisting an American Graduate Student, a poorly-photocopied picture of some drunk person's bum that if you turn it just right and squint, you can see either Elvis or Dole, and a "Get Out of Hell Free" card, which is presented when I leave. As you can tell, the fan club stinks. Good luck all you folks in CaCa land!! See you soon! Bob C and 17 Members of the Offal Bob Fan Club. (Litter boxes provided upon request) [Posted in FML issue 1904]