I was recently informed my sys-op is almost finished tracking the source of my hate e-mail and stuff. Seems there have been at least 3 people, one confirmed from a California .edu address (don't know exactly who yet) and the other two using AOL. I haven't decided what to do.....yet. Q: I am new to ferreting and you seem to know a few things. What are your top hints? A: You are right, I know a FEW things ;-). Ok, Bob's top ten ferret hints: 10. Buy two 50cc syringes (tube, not needle). Cut the bottoms off the Nutrical and Petromalt, and squeeze the contents of each tube into a different heavy-duty 1-quart ziplock bag. Suck out the air, and zip it shut. To fill a syringe, stick the tip into the ziplock and suck the stuff in. Takes a minute or so. The advantage of this system is you can get ALL the expensive goodies into the bag, and the syringe is much easier to use than the tube. You can monitor doses, and you don't have all those "almost-empty" tubes lying around. PLUS you can mix meds or other stuff into the goodies in the ziplock simply by pouring the stuff in and kneading the outside of the bag until mixed. 09. Never let someone pet the business end of your ferret unless you are willing to bet the ferret's head nothing will happen if something does happen. 08. Hold, tease, rub the fur the wrong way, tickle, pick up, annoy, pester, pet, smooth, toss on the couch, kiss, or otherwise physically react to your ferrets a minimum of three times a day. Talk to them while you are doing this. If they are sick, make the rule 9 times a day. If you keep getting bit, make the rule 10 times a day. 07. Call your ferret by a single name and stick to it. Avoid different names at all costs. Strengthen your ferret's understanding of their name by giving a tiny treat each time they respond to THEIR name only. 06. Use a clicker, whistle, horn or other type of noisemaker to alert your ferrets that it is a) mealtime, b) treattime, or 3) fun time. ALWAYS use the noise. You will have a conditioned business that will nearly always respond in emergencies, like a house on fire, or when locally lost. Usually if used with #7, all your ferrets will respond. 05. Put 1000mg of Vitamin C into 2 liters of water. It will slow down the growth of bacteria in the water and give your ferrets a daily dose of "C." 04. Ferrets are like puppies stuck in the juvenile mode. Try to reward good behavior and punish bad behavior. Be very consistent in both regards, but I am not talking about physical punishment (except for biting the ferret's ears-gently). Use a "time-out" cage, stop playing, put them away. I always forcefully tell them "NO" in a sharp and loud tone before they are punished, then if it continues, they get the time-out cage. The cage is only good for about 10 minutes because the ferret is sure to have forgotten what caused it to be put there, so make the confinements short. Also, never punish a ferret if you can do it immediately. 03. Invest in a postal scale and weigh your ferrets weekly. Often the first symptom of a sick ferret is a sustained weight loss. You can't always tell by the way the ferret looks. Weigh them and record the weights. 02. Buy a small notebook and make a diary for each ferret. Daily might be too much, but at least monthly write down the things it likes to do, its emotional state, who picks on whom, favorite treats and toys, and WEIGHT! Record vet trips, and take the book with you to the vet for consultation. When I get kits, I take a series of foot prints using a non-toxic stamp pad monthly. After a year, I only do it each year. I also clip small pieces of fur and glue them in the book, and add photos. When the ferret dies, I take a final photo, footprint and lock of hair as a sort of closure. The books become quite special. 01. Get Pam Greene's FAQs from Ferret Central and READ them. Stay with the FML even when loud-mouths like me get out of hand. Even if all you do is lurk, the amount of knowledge that gets passed on in this forum is amazing. Never be afraid of asking questions, even silly ones, because the number of flames on this list are laughable compared to other lists. (If you really want to see flames, find a list with a lot of teenaged boys on it. You'll come running back, yelling "Bring me home BIG! I've seen the light!"). Yes, the FML is a weird place. Get used to it. BONUS TIP: There is no need to waste money on expensive toys. An old washcloth tied in a knot, then tied to a string will bring hours of joy to the ferrets and to you. Paper sacks are fantastic. A paper box filled with crumpled paper is a winner. Old baseball caps are loved by ferrets, especially those that stink from sweaty heads. One of my fert's favorite all time toys is three wooden disks tied to a string. The disks clatter as they are pulled across the floor, and they are soft enough not to hurt the teeth. Lastly, any toy is fun, but the best toys have people attached to the other end. Lots of people tell me their ferrets are bored, they don't like their toys, etc., but they do just fine when I try them. Why? Because I move them, squeak them, roll them, etc. A toy without a human is like a pie without the filling. (Make mine "Bobinberry...") Bob C and the 17 MO Carpet Killers [Posted in FML issue 1914]