** OFFICIAL F.L.O. TRANSCRIPT -- F.L.O. SECRET DOUBLE DOOKER MISSION ** ** PARTICIPATING OPERATIVES -- CAPTAIN CASEY, STUNT COORDINATOR -- SARGEANT SARGE, MOONING SPECIALIST ** INTENDED TARGET -- MORONIC DOOFUS DOGS NEXT DOOR --- BEGIN TRANSCRIPT --- CASEY: Sarge, Come in Sarge! Is your Super Secret Stuff Headset functioning properly? Come in Sarge. Report Please. SARGE: WWWWWWWREEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEe EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeee YEAH BOY! CASEY: AAAAAAAAUUGGH!!! FEEDBACK! Turn down the super secret stuff gain knob on your S.S.S.H. unit Sarge! SARGE: Roger Wilco! A-OK Little Buddy! Consider it done! Ten Four! Order Acknowledged Sir! Your will is my command! Affirmative! You say "jump", I say, "How high?"! You say "Tomato", I say .... CASEY: SAAAAAAAARRGGE!! Just do it! SARGE: Okeydoke! .... WWWWWRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERREEEERRRE!!..... Oops, sorry 'bout that! hee hee hee dook. CASEY: *sigh* Okay. Sarge ..... you remember the mission? SARGE: Yep! Making my way to back porch sliding glass force field now. CASEY: Sarge, report your status. SARGE: I've made it to the force field. Conducting recon survey of surronding outer space. CASEY: Are those mangy flea hotels .... I mean the TARGETS in sight? SARGE: Yes sir! One is peeing on a tree and the other has his Anti Doofus Dog Exploratory restraint all tangled in the porch furniture. CASEY: Perfect. I'm in the Subterranean Under the Dresser Stronghold! I'll be right there!! *scamper scamper scamper* SARGE: Oh boy! This is gonna be GREAT! hee hee hee dook .. hiccup! CASEY: (reaching the force field) Terrific, come in Sarge! I've reached the force field. SARGE: I know, I'm standing right next to you. CASEY: OH! Yes! Well I knew that! I guess we won't be needing our S.S.S.H's any more! (SSSH UNITS SHUT DOWN) Switching to Auxiliary Super Secret FLO Mission Recorder now. SARGE: Ready? CASEY: READY! ........... GO! (Both hop out into plain view of the doofus dogs. Casey and Sarge dance and hop up and down. CASEY AND SARGE: DOOK! DOOK! DOOK! HRREEEESSSSSSSSS!! DOOK! HEE HEE HEE DOOK! HEY! WE'RE GONNA GO TO .... FUNKY TOOOOOOOOOWWWNNN!! HIP HOP! DOOK! HEE HEE! DOOFUS DOG 1: WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! ...... YIPE! *thud* CASEY: Stupid mutt. How easy they forget about their restraining device. SARGE: HEY STINKY! YOU'RE SO UGLY, YOUR SILLY HUMAN HAS TO TIE A VIDEO GAME AROUND YOUR NECK JUST TO GET THE KIDS TO PLAY WITH YOU! DOOFUS DOG 2: BARK! BARK! BARK! *CRASH THUD BOOM CRASH!* YIP! YIP! YIP! CASEY: OOOOOHHH! Restraining devices and lawn furniture just DON'T MIX buddy. That had to hurt. SARGE: Let's moon them!! CASEY: On three. One ..... Two ..... HEY GUYS! LASSIE'S A LOSER! HEE HEE HEE! (Chaotic and pathetic sounds of barking, snarling and crashing and yiping in the background!) SARGE: Dogs are silly. Heh heh dook. CASEY: Yeah, but without them, who else besides Daddy would we torment? SARGE: You know it .... Hey! Race you to the toilet paper stash! CASEY: The F.L.O. is freaky cool. *scamper scamper scamper* -- END MISSION TRANSCRIPT -- MISSION TIME: 00:10:33 -- MISSION RESULT: PROVEN FERRET MENTAL CAPACITY FAR SUPERIOR TO THAT OF DOOFUS DOG. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==-= =- \_/---- Matt Romoser (aka "Romo") -= -= | * | [log in to unmask] ; http://www.cris.com/~Romoser =- =- | | Ft. Wayne, Indiana -= -= | | =- =- / / "The most important thing in acting is honesty. -= -= /__--/ Once you've learned to fake that, you're in." =- -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=SAMUEL GOLDWYN=-=-=- [Posted in FML issue 1910]