First, I want to thank my good friend Pat for yelling at me for saying vitamen B was fat soluble. I was a fat head to say that. I actually meant to type an "E" but who knows what happened. Brain fart or something.I actually think there are grimlins in the ether. Eh, you didn't change that 'E' to a 'B,' did you BIG? <G> It finally happened yesterday. As some of you now, I have wonderfully long and fluffy hair. Has waves in it. Well, Balistic had been very ill, and has taken to laying on the back of my neck (head draped to one side and feet to the other) while I read my journals. Kind of like a ferret scarf. Well, yesterday, as she was snoozing, I kind of dozed off while reading about population dynamics of elk and deer. Someone must have broke into my house and made a sudden loud snorting sound--kind of nasal--because both Balistic and I jumped up to get away from the horrible noise. Balistic ran up the side of my head and was on the way down the other side when one of her toes tangled in the thick flowing hair I boast about. Yep, you guessed it, she panicked and, well, I think she thought my nose was a place to hide, because she definately wanted to crawl inside it. Now, my nose isn't that large, and the fit was rather tight, so she thought she might dig her way in. All this time, I'm trying to catch this wacky weasel running around my head, playing Maypole with my hair. Well, I got a pretty good scratch under my nose, lost some of that thick hair when I yanked Balistic off, and both of us had to have some French vanilla to settle down. Now if I can only figure out who was snoring. Q: I heard you adopted biters and they no longer bite. How did you do it? A: Because I can now technically define the action as "gumming." Not really. Honest. (Boy, between this and the "Cats. The Other White Meat" comment, PETA will be visiting with some of those rubberband thingies sometimes used on farm livestock. Don't litigate, ligate!) Actually, mostly I do nothing but handle the beastie as much as possible. Truth is, biting is usually a fear response, and once the little guy gets to know you, they stop. Lots of love and attention will solve most of the worst cases, given a little time. I just make handling as pleasurable as possible, giving treats, scratching, tickling, etc. Worked on Crystal, which is saying quite a lot, as my Portland friends can testify. Let's just say she could get her 'point' across. There is alot of controversy about physical punishment in this matter, and all I have to say is I've never needed to use it. If a lick-lick-bite is taking place, I just put my finger under the beasties nose (covering the holes) and push in and up. They usually stop, but if they continue, I either distract them with a game, or put them down on the floor (which they hate). Even so, there are some beasties that seem to *like* to bite, and scruffing or yelling might be necessary. It is important to remember the brains in these beasties are the size of walnuts, so be consistant and fair, and sooner or later, they will figure it out. If nothing else works (and I MEAN everything has failed after numerous attempts), I do know one trick that has never failed (so far as I know), but would be considered by some to be rather drastic. I learned this trick with a cripled mink I was getting healthy enough to send off to a rehab center. This beast would bite at every opportunity. It was as if he wanted to bite, and would watch your eyes until they blinked, then he would dash in for a piece of "Bob Steak," rare. I blended a can of jalapenos and some really hot peppers, making a thin runny soup. I then diped a cotton swab in the stuff, picked up the mink, and let him bite me. As soon as his teeth clamped down, in went the swab. Needless to say, the guy raced around a minute or so, looking for the creep that was biting his tongue. I picked the beast up again, and this time as he *started* to bite, I waved the swab under his nose. No bite. I repeated this for three days, after which the beastie refused to bite. Stopped him completely. I never had to repeat the procedure; just the smell of peppers would keep him from biting. (I have substituted powered alum, but not as effective.) Now before I get a ton of e-mail calling me a creep for burning the poor guy's mouth, let me just say that *I* feel discomfort associated with biting is preferable to physical pain associated to a person. Besides, I always give a little Tums disolved in milk to neutralize the acids and quickly stop the sensation. I would only recommend this for really bad cases, or cases in which you are fearful the beastie might get its head cut off for biting someone. Its a last-resort procedure. Now, for those who want to win bar bets for eating really hot peppers, just chew a few Tums and swish it around the inside of your mouth just before eating the thing. Makes jalepenos taste sweet. Honest. Mo' Bob and the 18 Gummers of that other white meat. (Missing Gus) [Posted in FML issue 1710]