TEXT FOR WEDDING BAND: King of Cooooool will play this gig!!! Greeeeeetiiiiiings felloooooooow fuzzbutttttts, Weazer here, king of cooooool, sultan of sssssssswing and the jazziest ferret in domestica! Me an' da boys (L.S. - the "axeman", White Fang - "Doc", and "Lightnin'Paws" Nikita) would be happy to play this gig for Rosie an Maxie. Our combo showcases the talents of "Lightnin' Paws" Nikita on Keyboards - ma has an old Casio MT500 that still sounds pretty mellow when we jam in the 'pooter room. "Doc" White Fang is the jamminest drummer in the business. He's a cross between Ed Shaughnessy and Buddy Rich - nuff said!!! He uses his tail when he gets really excited an' "dem ferrets start jumpin' when Doc's tail is thumpin'"! Doc reads the horn charts instead of the drum charts so that he KICKS them syncopated rhythms - makes it sound like firecrackers poppin. He's totally groovin', man! L.S. the "axeman" has a Les Paul custom that he steals from the neighbor's. He doesn't just play bar chords. He uses alot of them fancy orchestra style chords - kinda like Earl Klugh - dad says that his bro', Don used to jam with him back in the 70's. ME - I lay down the most superlative grooves in the whole ferret kingdom. I listen to dad practice all the time. He plays with a big band and also in church on Sunday. Mom sings with him in the choir - they're a riot! "Doc" will go over and bite mom on the ankle if she sings too high while she's warmin' up for church. I will steal dad's frettless Jazz Bass for the more mellow riffs and I normally steal the '68 Jazz Bass for most of the groovin'. But "Doc" ain't the only tail-thumper in the combo. I'll steal dad's P-Bass for those funky numbers and wait 'till you hear MY slap-style - I call it TAIL GAITIN"!!!! Our combo is really really tight! We even sleep together all in one big pile! We do everything together. We are the FERRET-TONES!!!! Maybe you heard of us??? Dad says that this might be my last gig since the nice doctor at Westland Veterinary Clinic (I go to the doctor's a lot) found an enlarged liver and an enlarged spleen in my gut (I thought that there was nuthin' but soul in there)! Stay cool! Weazer PS We've got the rhythm section covered! -but if any of you cats (sorry) - ferts wanna put together a horn section like 'Tower of Power' or the 'Blues Brothers', etc. LET'S JAM!!!! PPS Weazer never made this gig! - He crossed over the Rainbow Bridge on August 12,1996. L.S will fill in for him on the Fender P-Bass. ********************************************************************* TaDa!!!! It is I Cupcake the adorable , here to tell you about the wonderful gifts I plan to give Sammi, since she has given me the honor of bein' one of her brydesmades. 1) somethin' old-a potato chip that's been hidden up under the couch for the last 3 years.(I know Sammi is a real gourmet & likes her food aged:) 2) somethin' new-a bottle of ferretone for Sammi to pour on herself for the wedding night(why should Smudge have all the fun?) 3)somethin' borrowed-(well, actually stolen) my mom's car keys 4)somethin' blue-a petrified raisin For the weddin' I plan to wear a torture device my mom calls a hat(she makes me wear it all the time & says I look so cute in it)with pretty purple flowers on it.I would have purple flowers stickin outta my ears like my pal Tiger, but my mom says you should never put anything bigger than your elbow in your ear.Be careful Tiger, those flowers might take root there:)! TaTa!!! Cupcake the adorable [Posted in FML issue 1686]