Fellow fuzzies, hello and dooks to all! Special Agent Raiden here. I was minding my own business, happily dookin my way to my hide-e-hole to stash some of the Enemy Defense Cats' food, when I looked up and saw my human mom at the pooter getting her daily mail. I noticed as she scanned down the FML that "I" was thanked for the advice "I" gave the human "Bryan" about us ferrets........hmmmm. That is something I never did, ofcourse I know that mom was on the pooter really late one night and she decided to get her mail after her chat with all the other humans with pooters (I'm assuming), and she called this "Bryan" person and talked about me for a while, of which I don't mind..... ANYWAY When mom went to bed, I snuck out and went onto the pooter to find out what was going on. I want to say "DOOK DOOK!!" a big hello to Tenaka and Cayanne, as they sound like awesome ferrets with heads on their shoulders and quick thinkers. As a fellow ferret and one of great experience in this human vs. fuzzie thing, I would like to give a few of my 'Special Secrets' to you too (although against Agent regulations) and any other fuzzie looking for help. Humans seem to have a bit of a, let's say "childlike" problem with understanding that ferrets whether they are young, old, male, or female RUN THE HOUSEHOLD :) As ferrets we have 4 basic GETS: 1) GET fed 2) GET ferretone 3) GET loved 4) GET away with EVERYTHING!!!!! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ So, Tenaka and Cayanne, I want to say, in regards to training the human, the MERE fact that there are 2 of you makes the secret ferret manuvering possible and easier for you. I am by myself and live with a furry tell-all snitch of whom I won't mention, that makes these manuvers considerably harder. Because of this, my skills are sharpened on a consistent basis! Be happy that you will have each other for lookouts, etc. I have 3 suggestions for you: 1. When your human Bryan sprays the stinky stuff, hide the bottle in your cage mabe under your blanket or hammock, in or under the water or food bowl so that the next time he opens the cage and goes to grab it, one of you quickly distracts him by either chewing on his toes, climbing up his leg, or once picked up burrowing into his shirt for a few minutes, while the other dumps the bottle in the garbage! 2. Whenever you are doing something you love like digging in a flower pot, scratching the carpet, tipping waterglasses over, you know THE BEST STUFF. You have to be ever alert to the A.W.C.'s of humans (Angry War Calls). If ever you hear your name called WAY past a few decibals than usual, this usually means your in BIG trouble so - RUN LIKE HECK!!!!!! (this is also a good time for you to pick a favourite HIDE-E-HOLE close by for such occasions!) 3. In order to make sure your human doesn't get any funny ideas about sending you away, steal his keys, socks, shoes, underwear, pants, etc...... He'll never get out the door! (this is another advantage to a ferret, thank goodness we don't have to be dressed to leave the house!!) Now if you ever want to know how to plan an escape from your cage when your human isn't around, I'll leave that to Rosie and Maxie. They are escape ARTISTS. They are just as good or BETTER than I. In time you guys will be so crafted at this, that all the discipline you will get is a pat on the head, a rub on the tummy, and a smile from the human (DUMB or what eh??!!). Good Luck!! Sincerely, Special Agent Raiden :) [Posted in FML issue 1666]