My Porkey was a 51/2 lbs. male albino, who lived with his grandmother, mother, aunt, one sister and a cousin who were all smaller then him, they loved to tease him, they would make him chase them into the tubes knowing that he couldn't fit. After awhile he got hip to thier games and decided to find someone bigger to play with ME... The bond that he and I had can't be put into words. When he was about three years old, I noticed a lump near his penis. The following day I took him into the vets, it was decided that surgery was needed. "Go for it, hes strong and healthy there should be know problems, plus I trust you with my porkey. So I lefted him there, and went of to work. When I got home I ask my hubby if any word from the vet on how porkey was? Hes ok put the vet was going to kep him over nite, and not to worry. So I went into the bedroom and played with the girls. Becaause of my hours, I lefted my hubby to do the calling up the Vet. Came home from work, "Where's my Porkey" "The vet wants to keep him one more nite,really" my hubby said When I got home the next day my sister was at the house, I told her to follow me to the bedroom so I could change my cloths and talk at the same time. My sister had this look on her face like something was bothering her "Sis I have some bad news and I don't know how to tell you. Spit it out sis It can't be that bad! PORKEY DIED I screamed out loud "NO SIS, NO" PLEASE TELL ME THATS NOT TRUE" I dropped to the floor and grabbed my pillow and cried and screamed "not my porkey please god not my porkey, oh god know" I hurts so bad, my heart felt so empty, I just wanted to die. It seamed like i had cried for hours, while I was lying on the floor with my pillow soaked with tears, Porkeys mom Tiffy came over to me and was washing the tears off my face I picked her up and said to her "mommy I'm so sorry about your little boy" How could I be so selfish! I looked at my girls and you can see the pain and the hurt in thier little hearts.. For they also missed him too. So my girls helped me and I helped them to cope with the loss of Porkey. My Porkey died in 1984, He was my first loss and one I will never forget. I have my little one creamatated, For one day our ashes will be united again and set free. To this day I now have 21 little boxs, each of these boxs have a piece of my heart and many hours of tears. So when I hear of my fellow FMLer who have lost one of thier fuzzies, I FILL YOUR PAIN and I know what you are going though. [Posted in FML issue 1625]