My husband and I have only been subscribers for about 2 wks. We are former ferret owners (sadly). We lost our wonderful, tremendously loved sable ferret to adenocarcinoma on 4/10/93. We are still grieving for him. His name was Meeshur Butterscotch Bubb (Meeshur Bubb). He was between 8 and 9 years old when he died. We had battled the cancer for about 3 years before we had to put him to sleep. I am writing for 2 reasons. Firstly, to thank all of you ferret owners out there. We love to read about all your little fuzzy rascals. It brings back so many joyous memories for us, and yes, a few tears remembering our happy times. Secondly, a warning. Our ferrets cancer started off with a small (pea sized) knot on the end of his tail. His veterinarian thought it to be suspicious and recommended we amputate a portion of his tail. Of course we did, and were glad. The knot turned out to be a particularly nasty form of cancer. Meeshur Bubb was fine for a few years and then we felt another lump, and yet another. We had these removed and they too were unfortunately malignant. We kept a very close eye on him. We regularly "rubbed him down" for lumps. Almost overnight, at the most a few weeks, he developed about 9 lumps all at once. There were so many we had to draw a "map" of him and outline all of the lumps for the veterinarian. He had surgery to remove all of the lumps. (Did I mention that along with these problems he had cataracts in both eyes?) After the last surgery he never was quite up to par again. He was not as playful and slept quite a bit. He also was not the eater he had been previously and didn't even want his favorites, bananas and creamer (yes, I know thats a no-no but he was soo cute when he begged). About 2 wks after the surgery one evening his breathing became very labored, and his sides appeared to be sunken in. We made an emergency call to our vet at 12:00 in the morning and he said he could meet us immediately if we wanted but unfortunately, it probably wouldn't do much good. We decided to spend the night with our little angel and see the vet at 7:00 am the next day (the day before Easter) We held him all night. We cried, we prayed, we petted, we talked to him and told him how much we loved him. We told him how much an integral part of our lives he had become. Morning came and we wrapped our dear little one in one of his favorite pair of sweatpants and pillow cases and set out for the vet. It was only a ten minute drive but it was awful. My husband and I cried the whole way, Meeshur Bubb sat quietly in my lap, my tears wetting his fur. We walked in the office and the receptionist asked if she could help us, I broke down. I ran to the restroom with Meeshur Bubb and sat in the floor and cried. My husband spoke with the vet and he took us back immediately. He examined Meeshur Bubb and it was as bad as we thought. He was having extreme difficulty breathing and was no doubt suffering a great deal. There was nothing further to do, nothing at all that could be done. The cancer had ravaged his little body, attacking his entire lymph system. I have always believed and will always believe it would have been easier if he would have just died. Having to make the decision to put your little one to sleep is gut wrenching. You know they are suffering but how, how can you say "Yes, do it" Through sobs we told the vet yes, it was the only humane choice. My husband was crying and I was nearly hysterical. He told us we could go back and be with him. We tried. They explained first they would sedate him and then would administer the euthanizing agent. When I saw him looking up at me with that little mask on his face I thought I was the one dying, not him. Like a coward, I bolted from the room. I could not stand thinking he was thinking I was doing this to him. Not having the courage to stand by his side to the very end has haunted me ever since. It is one of the biggest regrets of my life. He was leaving this earth and I was literally laying in the examining room floor sobbing hysterically. My husband followed me when I ran out. We were both consumed with unbelievable grief. Finally after what seemed an eternity, the vet brought us our little angel, wrapped up in his sweatpants and pillow case. I took him in my arms and held him with the utmost of care. We were still crying so very much and we were trying to thank the vet for all he had done. I guess he could feel our grief because tears started rolling down his face and he simply said "I am so sorry" and left the room. We rode in silence to the pet cemetary. We took care of all the details, and made plans to return the next day for burial. We spent the night crying, asking why, and every once in a while smiling at memories. My husband and I went the following day (actually no, it must have been 2 days after he died because the day after he died was Easter). We took the day off work and paid respect to our little one. A lot of people thought we were nuts...$2500.00 in medical bills, $325.00 to bury him, a day off work....all for a ferret??? YES!!! We loved him with all of our hearts and would have paid every dime we had to make him well or to have him in our arms again. A feeling I am sure you all understand. I hope this mail makes the cut because this is the first time I have been able to really share all of this. I know it is lengthy...I didnt intend for it to be this long but it turned out to be very cathartic. We still grieve for Meeshur Bubb. We visit his grave regularly. We now refer to him as "Meeshur Spooky Bubb" and say he is a little ferret ghost who hangs around with us. We were recently blessed with a son (now 6 months old). We cant wait to tell him Meeshur Bubb stories and teach him about the precious little creatures. And, when he is old enough to treat it with respect, get him one of his own. (At the moment he has a stuffed "Mommy Fert" and a "Baby Fert" we purchased from the WWF catalog). Our son LOVES to chew on their tails and suck their ears...we definitely need to wait awhile to get him the real thing! We imagine Meeshur Bubb would have loved to dig at his diapers and steal his teething rings! Anyway, Godspeed to all of you. Your stories warm our hearts and bring back wonderful memories. Remember everday to cherish your little fuzzbutts, they truly are treasures. Thanks for listening. [Posted in FML issue 1556]