Hello, My name is Sgt Seymour, 124-23-3544, of the Canadain Republican Ferret Liberation of the Free Willy Foundation for the Preservalance of All Good Furry Creatures with Sharp Teeth. I would like to officialy join the FLO. I have experience in covert operations. I have really sharp teeth. I can kick a FDIs ass in a second. I have been doing rebel work in a habitat of local neutral humans (though I have good reason to believe they haven't *really* been neutered). One night while the NH were asleepand so was their FDI, I recieved a TOP SECRET communication link up with Canadain head Quarters. My mission was to steal a cat for experimental purposes. I am a soldier so I don't question orders, especially one that sounded really fun. The operations Order stated that cat had to kidnapped on the next night. That was alright because the humans were going out to eat animal flesh at another human gathering place. When the humans left I pretended to be very sad at seeing them leave. The cat was just looking into space. God cats are redarded! I began to form a plan. I was going to gain the cats trust by letting it groom me. War is Hell! yech! During this barbaric rite I told the cat that I had some chicken hearts for him. The fool believed me. I got the cat into a special decked out American F-16 fighter jet from the upstairs window. Ferrets at mach 3. The stupid cat still thought he was going to get his chicken hearts. The flight over Texas was without incident. It was when we reached Utah that the problems started. The early warning lights of the jet were flashing. We had inbound missiles approaching. The Federation of United Gerbils against Ferrets Army had launched a full flegde assault. The F-16 caught a round and we were going down I had managed to hit the eject button in time. We landed somewhere in the middle of the desert. I managed to flag down an passing big rig for a lift. The cat was begining to sense something was going on, so I had to hold him at gun point from this time on. The human gave us a lift as far as Montana and also gave us $50 for a hotel room. We checked in at the local Travel Inn. After checking in and taking a shower I was really feeling in the mode for some action, if you know what I mean. Then I rememberd that during the great wars of my youth I had been "injured" in battle. I took a round in the jimmys. The next morning I was looking at some Harleys to steal for the remainder of the trip. I was suddenly shook from behind: ELVIS He grabbed me and the FDI unit and transported us onto his big spaceship. WHOOSH!! Away we flew! Inside I got to have tea and crumpets with JFK. He was talking about how he would like to kick some guy named Stone's ass. Anyways they beemed us to the, what ever my organizations called, its been a long trip. I had to deliver the Damn cat to the General-el presidentae. He welcomed me and then looked at the cat and said, "Son, I asked for a female not a male you reject" At that time I was stripped of all rank and privilages. They were gracious enough to provide me with greyhound bus tickets back to Austin, Texas. Unfortunately, they sent the cat Federal Express! The auckinking fasses!! When I reached home the humans had still not returned, they would never be the wiser, if it was not for that darn Federal Express strike that delayed the cat for a week. Boy I had some explaining to do as to why the cat was in the cat was shoved in a tiny little PO box. But I did not tell them anything! So I've been kicked out of the Canadian..Rebellion...whatchamajigger... Free Willy... thingmabob..... But, I promise, I'm a great soldier. Give me a chance! Long live the FLO!! Besides, Little Girl said she likes a guy in uniform.....(many niplets to my sweet little cuddly sassy sweetheart!!) Ahem.. [Posted in FML issue 1515] [Posted in FML issue 1515]