War Report: The Ferret Liberation Organization suffered many severe setbacks over this past week. Unknown operators, probably sent by the Feline Defence Initiative, have sabotaged many key ferret holdings through cleaning. Headquarters reports the loss of over 30 butter crackers, as well as a total of nine ferret cots (Model number "Men's size 9-11, Wool, reinforced heel"). Also stolen: a collection of dried avocado skins, and a disk of tablets labelled "Ortho", which our labs were still investigating. FDI forces have also been spotted in the Armoured Personel Carrier, obviously having mistaken it for a hooded kitty bed. Feline agents have been removed from the APC four times this week. FLO rebels have attempted to deter the FDI cretins from the APC by stringing a plastic multicolour slinky over all the blankets and inserting ping-pong balls in the holding area. The relentless Mad Dog, Feline forces leader, merely squashed the slinky and loaded his monstrous body into the back of the holding area. The evil feline leader had to be removed by force, and paw to paw combat ensued. Although the FLO assault was a success, the FDI forces have vowed to return. FLO rebels have made inroads to the FDI territory, claiming the Aztec Blanket region in front of the South Radiator. Aztec Blanket is the private holding of the FDI's Mad Dog, and the seat of FDI command. The FLO claim on this territory has struck a serious blow to Feline morale. Feline agent Siddhartha has stuck with numerous unprovoked attacks over the week. Although this FDI agent lacks the power of his leader, Mad Dog, he is able to run at an incredible speed. Apparently, Siddhartha is acting on his own. FLO Commander Dodger has vowed to kneecap this agent. Siddhartha has also been implicated in the loss of a multicoloured ping-pong ball. FLO rebels are reminded that, at a count of six, our ping-pong ball reserves are limited and precious. Neutral humans were seen removing vast amounts of resources from closets at the far end of the war zone. A rebel intelligence agent was sent in to report on the Human activities. Ferret Liberation Organization Commander Dodger made this report later in the day: "The closet contents are being prepared for shipment, and have been placed in several large garbage bags. Intelligence has learned that these resources are to be sent to a cut-throat band of militiamen known as the Salvation Army. The FLO is distressed by the actions of the supposedly Neutral Humans. We do not understand why they have chosen to support another military organization when our own FLO rebels are badly undersupplied. We have no choice but to reclaim these resources for our troops, even if it means acting against the accord previously struck between the Humans and the FLO." Commander Dodger ordered an FLO assault on the prepared shipments. Victory was declared the next day. "We have seriously degraded the integrity of the shipping containers. One container now cannot be moved without sustaining critical damage. The second has been bored with numerous holes. This second container contains much soft material, and initial reports project that it may be used as a barracks to shelter several dozen ferrets. We have an agent dilligently sleeping in the second container. He will be able to issue a final report in several hours." "We must send a strong message to both the Humans and the evil FDI that interference in FLO affairs will not be tolerated. Reinforcement troops have been requested, but have not yet arrived. Until the arrival of our new rebel kit, remember: FIGHT. STEAL. PREVAIL." End of Transmission. --Lynn. [Posted in FML issue 1470] [Posted in FML issue 1470]