Dear Kelleen, I was saddened to hear about Racey's death. Words are inaddiquet. I don't think anything I say can lessen your feelings of grief and guilt. As far as not deserving to have ferrets. Your own remorse at your carelessness, to me, proves otherwise. I know of someone whose ferret died because he didn't take care of it, so he had it stuffed. My Late Paddington's first owner kept 15 ferrets in a U-haul trailor, each in a little pet taxi, with no room to move, not seeing the sun for anymore than 15 minutes a day, never interacting. with each other, forgetting what it is to be a ferret. All fifteen had medical problems. Paddy died of cancer. My new little girl was breeding stock for someone who was afraid of ferrets. He would quickly through a male at her and pull the male away when it was over. I a very real sense, she was raped. She goes into histerics when ever my fixed male Kian tries to wrestle with her. There are plenty of people out there who just don't care, and ferrets, cats, dogs, and other truely wonderful creatures die, alone, unmorned. Those are people who don't deserve pets. Not the owner who gets careless, and grieves for what he or she lost because off their mistake. I think Racey would agree with me that you are a wonderful ferret owner. If your tragedy helps keeps one owner from accidently hurting his ferret, then Racey's crossing will have some meaning. Yet, I fear that there are many more of us mortal ferret owners out there, who will yet need comforting from someone who's been there. Take some time to grieve, get your feelings in order, and your life straight. Then jump back into the battle. I think that's what Racey would have wanted. Kurt [Posted in FML issue 1365]