Dear FML: They say things happen in three's and I guess I believe that now, because after losing Dusk, I lost Zoe and a week and a half after Zoe, I lost my Shadow. I had to retreat emotionally and physically for a few days. Shadow was a very special ferret-person and I would like to share his story with you. It was approximately six years ago that I decided to add another ferret to our family. Something I have been known to do with great frequency over the years. With a house of sable ferrets, I decided that we really needed another color. At the time, I had a choice of a lovely cinnamon hob from a local breeder or a black-eyed white that had come into Pam & John Grant's shelter. With the cinnamon and the black-eyed white out to play, I took a look at the shelter ferrets up for adoption. One poor fellow caught my attention - an extremely thin ferret with a raw back and a beautiful face with large expressive eyes. Those eyes got to me and I asked Pam if I could hold him. I was shocked over his condition. Pam, however, used to dealing with sad cases - was more practical. She told me the raw back was from fleas, that he had already gained weight and had had several baths, which seemed to make him feel better. When I tried to return him to his cage, he twisted and reached for me, clutching hard. He definitely did not want back in the cage and so I asked if he could come out to play while I made my decision on the other two. Well, to make a long story short, after agonizing over which of the two pretty ferrets I wanted, all the while holding the sad case, Pam told me to give it up - I was bonding to the poor sable baby. Adoption was rapidly concluded and I went home with my skeletal ferret wondering if I had lost my mind. He was named Shadow because he was practically just that. His age was also estimated to be 2 or 3 years, and so I did not expect to have him for more that a couple of years.. He adored the other ferrets at home right from the start, and despite his condition was eager for play. Frisky was Not Amused, and spent most of the time hissing at him. These two were soon to be inseperable. When it came time to put the ferrets up in cages for the night, Shadow freaked. He did not, and would not stay in a cage, and my trying to keep him in one was fruitless. He would have seriously injured himself in his bid for freedom. Not hard to imagine what his life had been like. So, it was at that time my ferrets started to stay out on a 24 hour basis. It also soon became apparent that Shadow had a food problem. Directly opposite from those who will not eat, he ate, and ate, and ate. He slept by the food bowl. He tried to, and sometimes managed to, drag a crock bowl off to hide it. When I got larger and heavier bowls, he would pull something over the food, or drop toys in to cover the food. I started keeping several bowls around and full to the brim, because if a bowl got low - he would systematically eat the rest, and hide what he could not get down. Needless to say, I soon had a large ferret and one who had grown into what had seemed a too long tail. He also came into coat and I discovered he was quite a beautiful boy. Naturally, I am never predjudiced! It was a very long time before Shadow understood and learned that his food supply was not going to disappear. Thank God the Grant's got hold of him before it was too late. In fact, the following summer, John, upon seeing him again, suggested I show him. However, I was not "into" shows at the time. As I have said before, time is but a moment and moments seem to go very fast. Shadow was a pivot in my house. I cannot begin to express in words how much I loved this special ferret. He was so affectionate and gentle. And he got along well with all of the ferrets. New ferrets, whether hob or jill, adult or kit, bonded to him. The only problem I can even think of right now, is that he had a tendency to carry off kits and "put them away" in one of his special places. Pepper, my care ferret, also does this. He held his own with rambunctious hobs and they respected him. "We respect 'choo, God Fader". When he wanted something, he could climb right up me and stick his nose and mouth against my mouth, and hold it there. Looking at him cross-eyed from close proximity, I would try to figure out what it was he wanted. All of my ferrets get greeted with a mouth kiss, and Shadow often required several of those, before I could leave the house. He, like several of the others, were great squeaky toy addicts, and he spent a lot of time retrieving and putting them away. He also like to put my shoes away for me. Only since he did not tell me where, I often had many frustrating searches. Shokie, Sparky and a couple of the others like this project too. This is why I have dozens of shoes. Ahem!. Then, several years ago, the dread "greenies" struck us. All of the ferrets were ill within an 18 hour period, except for my Canadians. Frisky, a long term lymphatic cancer and pancreatic basil cell carcinoma survivor, was lost. Shadow and my other oldtimers, were hard hit. Shadow went into an angry grief - ripping up squeaky toys all day. I started purchasing them by bulk. He went through 6 to 10 a day for weeks. I thought I would lose him too, but gradually he came out of it. He developed a bony back and did not come into coat again for over a year. It was during this time that he started to eat freshly cooked chicken, turkey or roast beef (which all kits get in my house). My guys get served this once a day on a paper plate. And believe me, Shadow knew what time it was supposed to appear before him, and if it didn't - I would get the nose and mouth against mine until I produced it. Many a night I have made late runs to Boston Market or for honey roasted chicken breast at Roy's. When Shadow came into coat a year and a half ago, I decided to show him at an up-coming ferret show. I wanted to have a certficiate to remember him by. His was, at the time, maybe 8, and I had never shown him, because of his age. Best time for show is usually between kit to three years. Much to my delight and surprise, he placed in top ten's in a three ring show against a large entry of alters. Wow! One judge held him up and commented that no matter how old he was, they just didn't come better than this, and showed his coat. His highest place was 2nd. I entered him in the next show and again he placed, as well as taking a best in specialty. Needless, to say, his mommy was thrilled. When I judge, I always check the age on the ferret I am judging and this is given consideration. However, althouth I knew Shadow-man was looking good, I still didn't expect any ribbons or trophys. Ah, now the hard part. Shadow helped my nurse Dusk during his last days - such a short while ago. He seemed more fragile after Dusk's passing and would often sit up and scent the air. I knew he was looking for his friend. I gave him lots of extra love and lots of freshly sliced turkey breast. I bought him new toys and carried him around with me. I picked him up at night a tucked him close when I slept. Zoe's illness and passing was so swift (I still have not come to terms with her loss), I was distracted for a few days. He seemed thinner after Zoe left us, and so I added Duck Soup twice a day and he gained a little weight. Last Sunday, he slipped while climbing on the bed and fell hard. I checked him over - especially his old bones, and he seemed to be all right. The following night and while talking on the phone to Troy Lynn Eckert, I found a splotch of blood on the bathroom floor. I started checking ferrets. Soon, Shadow went back into the bathroom and left another splotch - it was coming from his urethra. It was after hours for vets, and I was not sure if this was something from the fall, or if he had hematuria (blood in the urine, usually from bladder infection). I started him on an antibiotic good for genito-urinary problems, just to be sure, and kept a watch. He ate and again voided - this time it was only pink tinged. However, by the following morning, he was unable to urinate. I made an emercency appointment with the vet - I feared for the worst. And the worst was what it was. His vet was unable to catherize him and did several x-rays. When I saw them, I said "Oh, My God". It looked like massive pertonitis. His vet still had him under anesthesia while he talked to me. "Can't we try to save him?" "No, Meg, you know what you saw - I expect a ruptured bladder or kidney. You have to let him go." I knew. I knew. But it was so hard. His vet left me alone with him after he was gone. I picked him up and carried him to the window and looked out at the beautiful day while I wept. "Ah, my dear Shadow, you loved so to be in the open window sill on beautiful days. How you hated the strong screen that kept you in. Fly now, my beautiful Shadow. Fly to Dusk and Zoe and your beloved Frisky." My heart is very heavy as I carry there my beloved ferrets gone so swiftly from me. They will every be a part of me and so are not truly gone. I weep in grief for my loss. But my Shadow is free from burden of pain. On necropsy, it was found he had a large, invasive turmor on his bladder. His vet told me that the hemorrhage into the peritoneum was from the tumor. But I know in my heart that he was ready to pass over the rainbow bridge. Thank you God for bringing this wonderful ferret to me and giving me so much time to love him. meg. [Posted in FML issue 1298]