. . . Hi! This is Rascal, coming to you live from Montgomery County, MD. I have some problems concerning my pet human, Carinne. Ya see, first she cleaned out my ears, clipped my toenails (all twenty of them!!), gave me a bath, brushed my still-intact winter coat, sprayed me with this disgusting-smelling liquid called "Conditioner", and took me for a walk!! She treated me like a poster ferret for about twenty billion people (and I tell you . . . some humans asked if I was a retarded cat or some exotic type of snake!! Sheesh!), and I had all these hands carefully pettong me and stroking my fur as Carinne held my mouth shut! And I don't even bite! If things weren't bad enough, she bought me this blue collar (I think it's blue -- I can't tell really because I think I'm colorblind :) ) with this bell, so now wherever I go, this ^%*@*$^ bell rings with me!! I try to bite it, but it's like trying to chew on your own ears . . . it just doesn't work too nicely. Well, I gotta go!! -- Rascal (and her pet human, Carinne :) ) * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * [Posted in FML issue 1209]