Nell--I understand the heartache of losing a precious ferret kid and the grief and angry that follows. My husband and I have had a total of 24 ferrets in the 11 years since ferrets came in our lives. We currently have 4 ferret kids. Out of the 20 of our ferret kids who have passed away, I held 15 of them as each one of them crossed the Rainbow Bridge. Four were with my vet when they passed away and one passed away in his sleep, as he slept with his cagemates. I lost them to fatty liver syndrome, tumors, lymphoma, insulinoma, seizures brought on by brain lesions, heart problems, complications from surgery, and old age. My heart broke each time one of my kids crossed the Rainbow Bridge. I was angry and racked with guilt because I felt I could have done more for them. But in my heart I knew I did the best I could for them. My grief became easier to handle when I reached out to other ferret parents. The FML has proven to be the most helpful because everybody on the list has experienced the lost of a ferret kid. We all understand the joy of being blessed with a ferret kid and the anger and grief when they leave us. Another thing that helps to ease my grief are the ferret kids I still have who need me. Everyday I feel the spirits of my ferret kids who have passed away. My husband and I have both experienced the sensation of a ferret kid's nose on our legs or the feel of their fur on our feet as they brush past us when there are no ferrets about. My most profound experience happened when I had a dream about one of my ferrets. In the dream, I told my ferret kid, Mikey, he wasn't suppose to be here because he had passed away. Days later, one of his cagemates, Molly, passed away in my arms. I like to think the dream was a sign Mikey was waiting for her. Nell, I don't know if any of this will help you. For me, writing is an outlet for my grief. Writing about my ferret kids keeps their spirit alive. So, keep writing and tell Raoul's story. Lisa & the ferret kids: Nonnie, Gir, Katey, and Brook. [Posted in FML 7894]