Dear Ferret Folks- My husband pointed out a cartoon in the comic section of the local newspaper to me the other day. It is a strip called "The Grizwells" that I had never seen before. It was only two panels. The first featured some sort of park ranger yelling at a big sloppy looking bear with a ranger hat lounging against a tree for a snooze. The ranger says that he has been receiving all sorts of complaints about the bear's job performance, specifically, his "waterboarding" weasels. The bear complains that in his own defense he had been tremendously bored that day. Waterboarding weasels...waterboarding weasels...this phrase has entered my household lexicon. I needed some phrase to describe what happens when I am in the bathroom MINDING OWN BUSINESS while sitting. Caff-Pow almost invariably paws open the bathroom door (if he doesn't, Todd will do it, never fear!) and jumps into the bathtub, which is right next to a seated person in my bathroom. I need only reach over, slide the shower curtain shut and turn a lever.... And VIOLA! The offending weasel is instantly "waterboarded." This makes him bounce, leap, jump, scramble, and if all else fails, *levitate* himself bodily from the tub. It's harder to leave the tub when you are sopping wet, apparently. Is that enough to keep him from jumping *back* into the tub? Heck, no. Evidently as torture goes that's on the mild side, because Mr. Dumb as a Stump (Look, Ma! No nads!) has been known to jump back *into* the tub after a frenzied roll on the bathroom rug at my feet. I obligingly waterboard him again. "Confess, weasel! You are a fricken' idiot!!" (Yes, Ma, turn the water on again!) "OK, buddy. Eat hydrogen." (BLAAH!!! I'M WET AGAIN!!) "Yes you are, Stump. Wanna try for round three? Just jump back into the tub again." (OK! This is so much AAAGHHH! I'm wet again!!) Jump Jump Leap Scramble Claw Scratch And so it goes. Todd is not a domestic terrorist, and does not require this harsh treatment. He is a good boy, and never tries to sneak more than three ounces of ferretone into that one quart zip-lock bag that the airlines and Homeland Security specify. Oh, it is true that he will steal anything in a plastic bag regardless of the size, but he never does anything truly egregious, like, say, jump unseen into the tub and wee in there. I know who does that. And so does Homeland Security, buddy. They have *lots* of water, and they never sleep, Caff-Pow. They never sleep. Alexandra in MA [Posted in FML 6399]