Dear Ferret Folks- Heaven forbid that I would ever spoil ferrets...Especially not Todd the Butter Butt, who is new winter-coat soft, and terribly cute with that broad brown stripe running down his nose. He has gained a lot of muscle and worked off some baby fat now that he no longer lives in a pet store, but he is still a big boy. Husky. He has an amazing ability to locate water. And as any ferret will tell you, found water is always a hundred times better then cage water. It's just one of those things. And in order to really enjoy found water, you have to knock it over and stand in the puddle, then drink. It's important to get as wet as possible in the process. My husband is a big water drinker, and although he is pretty good about not leaving full glasses around, he does slip up from time to time. My husband favors sixteen ounce plastic tumblers. When you live with ferrets you understand why those are called *tumblers*. I have a confession. I keep a folded cotton towel near our wood stove all winter. It is old and faded, not good enough to keep with the newer bath towels. It stays nice and warm. And when I pull Todd out of his newest puddle, well, I give him a warm all-over towel buff. He doesn't put up any resistance. In fact, he closes his eyes and a little sliver of pink tongue protrudes sticks out from between his fangs. All four legs turn into rubber. His tail lies slack as if it is too heavy to lift. He becomes a whole boneless ferret, like a whole boneless roast. I rumple him dry, and set him back down on the floor so that he can continue on with his Very Important Weasel Deeds. Then I fold the towel up and set it back down near the wood stove. Don't think that that's just *Todd's* towel. I spoil dogs, too. Especially dogs that I have to thrust out into the howling New England rain and snow in order to attend to matters of personal hygiene. Dogs don't resist when you give them a heated towel buff, either. They sit very quiet and still, heads down so that you can get their ears, too. Now, Hebert would get a heated towel buff if he weren't so *stupid.* When he gets wet he gets scared, so he runs away and hides under the furniture. He leaves a little trail of wet weasel prints across my hardwood floor. Coaxing him out doesn't work. The squeakie does not work. I only succeed in enticing his snout out from beneath the furniture. The rest of him huddles, wet and miserable in the darkness and dust bunnies. Actually, he tried to drown himself the other day because he is *stupid.* My big green watering can was sitting on the floor with about two inches of water inside. He stuck his upper body through the fill hole in the top of the can until his head and front legs were completely out of sight. His tippy toes were touching the floor, but just barely. My husband, who is an evil man, whispered "Watch this!" Then he snuck up on Hebert, came up behind him, and yelled "BOO!" Now, a *reasonable* creature, being scared that way would pull his top half out of the watering can and run, hell bent for leather. Not Hebert. Hebert gave a mighty leap and jumped completely *into* the watering can, head first. I yelled "There's water in there!" And my husband pulled a sodden, thrashing Hebert out of the can before he drowned. Guess what. I don't leave the can on the floor with water in it anymore. I have stopped leaving the toilet lid up, too, when Hebert is free roaming during the day. This ticks the dog off mightily, because as any dog can tell you toilet water is a hundred times better than dog-bowl water. But if *any* ferret is dim enough to cross the Rainbow Bridge via the toilet, it's Hebert. I think about Hebert and I remember the things Foghorn Leghorn, the big white chicken in the Bugs Bunny?Road Runner cartoons would say about his sidekick. "That kid's about as sharp as a sack full of wet leather." "You're built too low, son, they go right over you." Yup. No heated towel for Hebert. He needs a special government program. No Ferret Left Behind. Alexandra in MA [Posted in FML 6154]