Bill wrote: >[Moderator's note: This response surprised me and it would not >have made the FML, except that Sukie further clarified her post, >so perhaps there was communication already. BIG] Yes, Bill, that choice was fine by me. Neither James nor I were clear enough in our initial posts so some misunderstandings happened. If anything perhaps seeing this will remind others in the future that there can be more than one way to read what people write so it pays to be very careful to not read things into what is said. James was speaking from pain and I was speaking from wanting data to protect living ferrets. I am very much like Mother Jones in tending to follow the advice, "Pray for the dead, but fight like hell for the living." James was hurting a lot. People do things when they are hurting a lot that they would not otherwise do, and that is true for all of us, so it is something all can understand, a very normal, completely human thing. It is not something that James should kick himself for and not something that anyone else should kick him for. Thank you, James for the additional information. It does add to the knowledge base and that helps others. Because I have not been able to attend to as much as i usually do recently let me put a bit of a personal note, if it is okay with you, please, Bill. My father is almost 93. According to a study i found something like 80% of people over 90 have some degree of dementia and Dad is among them. His other major problems affect his balance and mobility (both a leg and an arm). Almost two weeks ago Dad decided to try to weed his raspberries (which is among the things he isn't supposed to do but strokes have caused memory problems) and took a very bad fall. In the hospital for some time he worsened so we were dealing with all of that. Then they tried a med which in low doses helps some very elderly dementia patients have a better sense of their surroundings (because sometimes the neurons begin being overly active and that causes confusion like thinking that one may be elsewhere and wandering). In case that may be a med someone here may want to discuss with an elderly relative's physicians it is Haldol and the dosing used for seniors in Dad's situation is very low. That med helped enough for him to go home with special care which probably relieves the hospital hall nurses who called him their Houdini because he retained his mechanical abilities so continued to defeat humane restraints and locks so well (and then fall again some of the times) that they would put him next to the nurses' station in his chair or bed 24/7. Changes have been made to the home Dad shares with my 93 year old step mother (who is all there mentally but mobility handicapped and partly deaf and who badly wants to remain in her home) and after a 3 hour nurse's assessment of the home further changes will be happening. At this point the family is also looking into companion services and home health aide services as well as some additional home care services beyond the extensive ones that already were in place, with all of us family members pitching in getting info, and being there at different times, and going down the street for internet access at the library when that is possible. There will be future OT and PT visits, and further physicians' appointments, of course. A senior day care is being checked into, as are various options, including ones if they do decide to together or singly leave home and live in a facility. The situation is one that many FML list members have been in, and one that many FML list members will experience in their futures, so greatly out of the norm and terribly demanding for daily life during times of readjustment as the situation changes, but a commonly encountered experience. So, I simply have not had spare time and not really been as attentive to the things at hand when doing them as I'd like to have been because of being very distracted. That means that sometimes I don't express myself as delicately as I would like to, but it does not mean that I have suddenly become cold (though I admit to being something of a Vulcan when I need to be because I have some very highly emotional family members and regularly have to serve as the peacemaker, so it's a hard-learned skill for me). We in the FML, no matter who we are, may be here at times when we are dealing with pressures that others have no idea exist. We all have full lives and the list members see only a tiny fraction of our lives. Sometimes when two people are both dealing with hard times one may write something not very clear and another may misinterpret it. Neither means anything bad by that -- though temporary fireworks may occur -- and that is what most needs to be remembered: that each was trying to be constructive and make things better in one way or another. This happens to all of us, so the next time someone else is in that situation, please, do take the time to try to see what the other may be saying that is positive and generally helpful. Usually, on the FML as well as the FHL that really is there, and doing so can stop a fight from occurring. And now a little related something about a list member ferret: as you can imagine my sleeping has involved a lot of nightmares recently though those are way down now. Just as he guards me when I am ill or having asthma problems and sleeping Hilbert has been guarding me when I have nightmares. That little ferret just plops himself down and watches me, hour after hour, and if he thinks things are too wrong he gets Steve and insists that Steve check on me. Sweet little ferret! He is the one who may well have saved my life when the furnace malfunctioned (I guess that was about 2 years ago now.). He is also the hardest save our vet said he had ever had because he had problems when he was younger (cystine urinary stones -- he doesn't tolerate high protein levels -- bladder diverticulum, bilateral hydronephrosis, etc.) that almost took him from us and required a full year of healing afterward before he could even regain to a reasonable weight and longer to reasonable levels of activity, but he made it. He's got some unusual medical considerations but he does well with them taken into account. Sukie (not a vet) Recommended ferret health links: http://pets.groups.yahoo.com/group/ferrethealth/ http://ferrethealth.org/archive/ http://www.afip.org/ferrets/index.html http://www.miamiferret.org/fhc/ http://www.ferretcongress.org/ http://www.trifl.org/index.shtml http://homepage.mac.com/sukie/sukiesferretlinks.html [Posted in FML 5621]