I cant believe I'm doing this again. I cant believe I have to ask one of the greeters to welcome my little baby girl. She's only 2 1/2 years old. I cant believe I'm in this place again - lost, lonliness, empty, angry... I cant believe my little girl was taken from me. So soon. TOO soon. Bridgegreaters, can I please ask you to welcome my little girl and tell me how she's doing? I only knew Rayna for a little over 1 1/2 years. I adopted her and her two brothers from the Educated Ferret back in June '04. It was bittersweet, I had just a few months previously lost my other girl Brandy... she was the last of my first crew to go. But Donna had told me about this trio that came into her shelter, and she didnt want to break them up. Thats how I met them - Rudy, River, and Rayna. It was wonderful to have ferrets in the house again. It was odd 'starting over'. Soon their little personalities developed, and I was in love. River, he's deaf, and he was scared at first, but now he's my crazyboy. Rudy, my sweet prince, was so gentle and loving. And Rayna, she was my little happy girl. Always had a dance in her step, and dooking a song in her heart. She would just wander around, dancing it up, and dooking your ears off. Such sweet music to my ears. The two boys were 2 years old, and Rayna was only 1 year. I've adopted young this time, I'll have lots of time with them. Many years. Their only babies. Wrong. I lost Rudy last January. I only knew him for 6 months. He died from bone marrow cancer. Bone marrow cancer. I still cant believe it. So harsh and so wrong for my sweet prince. Here I am again, a year later, and my baby girl is sick. Finally its confirmed, its lymphoma. Its spreading so fast, my Vet thinks it could be the juvenile form. I decided to try her on chemo. She was doing pretty well on it. She started dancing again. I cant tell you how great that was to see her dancing and playing again. Just one day, all of a sudden, she's up and about like she's her old self again. I cant describe how wonderful this was to see. My girl is happy again and playing again and loving life again. Then she stopped. She went back to sleeping alot. We tried a few things with her, and she was doing ok. We were waiting for the chemo to do its duty. Then Sunday, things didnt look right. Brought her back to the vets again, and they admitted her. Ran some tests, and she had fluid buildup in her lungs. Tested that, it was the damned lymphoma. They tapped her chest and tried her on a different chemo drug. And we gave her some time to see if it would help. But it didnt. On Tuesday nite they discovered a mass in her lungs. It was spreading no matter what they tried. Her doctor is right - its evil. Lymphoma is evil. My Rayna girl was such a fighter. She fought SO hard. She was such a brave girl. It reminded me of the time I took the ferrets to the MaFF frolic, and they had their ferret playground there. Rayna is on the petite side. She could have been one of the smallest ones there. But she wasnt takin' nothin' from nobody... she bit those boys right in the butt if they got too rough with her. She showed them. Dont mess with me... 'momma, I just met them and they's was gettin' a little too frisky.' But dont get me wrong. Rayna is sweet. Sweet as can be. Happy as can be. And a beauty. A little cinnamon fluffball. She loves to play. God she brought such joy, watching her dance and listening to her chitter-chatter away. My happy girl. And I think its going to last. These happy times are going to last forever. Then suddenly, my baby's in the hospital, and I'm driving there to... let her go. I got there and asked for a few minutes alone with my baby. I had to tell her everything, make sure she knew everything and that I didnt leave anything out. How much I love her and how lucky I was to get to meet her. And give her a few more kisses. And I told her Rudy will be there to take care of her now. And she can dance again and be happy again. And she was such a strong fighter. Stronger than I wouldve been. And she started to squirm a bit in my arms, and I thought, maybe she's still fighting.. I have to question the doctor one more time. And then she took some big gulps of air. And she died. Oh God what did I do. I just wanted a few more minutes with her. How do you say the final - 'I'll see you later' ? I put her down and went to get her doctor. He was on his way back in the room. What did I do? I didnt want her to suffer. She died. I didnt want her to suffer any more than she had to, and look what I did. These last few moments and look what I did. I wanted it to be as peaceful as possible for her. I'm so sorry baby. The vet gave her the injectable just to be sure. What did I do to her these last few minutes? My brave strong girl waited for me. She waited for me to get there. I just didnt know it would happen that quick. I'm so sorry baby girl. Please Bridgegreaters, please tell her Momma's so sorry. I'm sorry for the last few minutes. I'm sorry we couldnt cure her. I'm sorry she had to go thru this. I'm so sorry she got so sick. I'm sorry we didnt have more time together. This isnt fair and its not right what happened to her. Please tell her, someday, we will be together again. Everybody loves her. Please tell her to dance and sing again and be happy. Tell her we all miss her so much. River and Diti miss her so much. I'm sure my sweet Rudy was there to greet her. I know he's taking such good care of her. I know he's introduced her to the rest of the gang: Brasco, Ben, Tracker, and Brandy. Please Bridgegreeters can you tell me how she's doing? Can you tell me how her reunion with Rudy went? Rayna I hope you know how much I love you sweet girl. I miss you baby. -Momma Andrea [Posted in FML issue 5191]