With love I held him as I let him go----- On a cold & windy December 9th morning, I Kringle's forever and always Mama, and his Auntie Suzanne, held his precious little paws between our trembling fingers, and said good-bye as Kringle left for his journey to the Bridge. No more pain, no more humiliation of having to have someone, a HUMAN no less, clean him up each time he poo-ed. Kringle was a proud boy and I know he must have been so upset with this. Now he has the strong legs he needs to walk away from such "occurences" (but do ferts poo up at the Bridge??) Now he has the legs to dance and hop. Now he is free of his earthly, neurologically compromised body. His body may have failed him, but he never lost that look of knowing just how spoiled I had let him become!! He KNEW! I always let him run around and investigate our living room and kitchen, but not my other kids. And ya know, I swear, he'd lay on a rug in the kitchen,( his all time favorite place to be!) with his wobbly head held up high and proud. He seemed to have this look like, " I get to be in the kithchen! I get to be here on this rug and they don't!!!! Even though my Kringle boy had many physical problems to deal with, he always had a happy little twinkle, that very same twinkle that came from the man he was named after. It was only in his last hours that that spark left his eyes, he was so tierd. Kringle came to me from our shelter, FBOG. Jullianna, who runs the shelter asked me if I could ferret-sit him while she had to go out of town. The very moment I saw him, I fell hard. Because of his neuro problems, he constantly moved his head in a slight swaying motion. And OH!!!...., when he would look up at me, when he was out, surveying, he would look up with this little cock-eyed look, it could bring even the most hardened criminal to his knees. I have had many ferrets over the, excuse me, many ferrets have had me over the last nine years, but I have to say that Krinkle was the most unique. His problems made his personality. That boy surely knew how to work it! We never really knew just how old he was, maybe 4 or 5. We never really knew his background. We only knew, that he had been found, and brought to Julianna. When Julianna returned,from her trip, I think she knew what was coming. I just couldn't give him back, I was in love, hook, line, and sinker. Julianna allowed me to become his permanent foster mom! YAY! Kringle joined my fuzzy family, permanently!! He never did blend in however. It wasn't so much that he was aggressive toward anyone else, which is what I had sort of thought in our early days together. I figured out by really watching him, his facial expressions, his body language, he was just plain scared of the other ferrets. I'm not sure he knew he was a ferret. So, from then on, I never tried to get him accustomed to the others. He had a one bedroom, penthouse all of his own on top of the other fuzzies house. I think he was a very happy boy. At first, all he wanted to do is stay on my lap. He was nice and filled out, his coat was so soft, I thought, Cool, I ve always wanted a lap fert. BUT THEN, after a week or so, he wanted no part of this sitting around stuff! He wanted down!!, NOW! When he first came to me, when it was time to come out and "play" I always had to get him out of his hammie. BUT THEN. he began to meet me at his door, waiting calmly to come out. BUT THEN!!!,....... He was meeting me at his door just like a real fert!! Climbing the bars, watching every single move I made, digging at the floor, I could almost hear him shouting!!, Out, out, NOW!!!!!!!l let me out!! I want out, NOW!!!! I was thrilled to say the least!! I knew then that all the love that I had been showering him with, was working. He had begun to be a happy fert. From the very instant he became a permanent part of my family. (not just permanent in my home, but permanentl a part of my heart, forever.) My only thought was that I was going to make up for all of bad things in his past by spoiling him rotten, and that I did!!! He deserved it. Actually he deserved more, and now he has it. I just came in from our ferret cemetary where all of Kringle's departed sisters and brothers are. Now, he too is there. Today, Saturday, December 10th, my husband and I layed his weary body, just a empty shell where Kringle used to be, to rest by his sister Oskie. Now, my Kringle boy, my boy who cast aside whatever troubles and pains he had before he came to me, who absorbed every drop of my adoration and pride that I had for him. My boy who became a happy, loving boy despite it all, is completely free, completely whole, and living the way each and every ferret should, dancin' and dookin' and palyin' with friends at the Bridge. And oddly enough, as sad as I am, I am also happy. Happy that now he can do whatever he wants without lugging around that old broken body. Thank you Kringle. Thank you for touching my heart in the short time we were together, so deeply. Thannk you for being someone to joke with, and commiserate with about our messed up bodies. You were a warrior, my Bud! I hope that by now, you've rested from your journey to the Bridge and have been able to find Princess,Tori, Oscar ,Samantha, Smokey, Bandit, & Boots. These are all of your family, your brothers and sisters. I'll be with you again someday , but until then they'll take care of you, and teach you all the good tricks that you need to know, like visiting. I hope that you learn visiting well because I really would like to know how you're doing. Kringle, above all else, I hope that I was able to make up for at least some of the hardships and heartaches you must have had in your life before me. I never had to try very hard though because you were so very, very easy to love. Lastly, Julianna,( or if anyone else from our shelter reads this & could convey to her this message.) Julianna, I can't thank you enough. Over used words but so true just the same. Thank you for allowing Kringle to be a part of my family. He gave me so much love, and so much happiness. He was one unique fuzzy-boy. Although his time with me was short, he left his paw print on my heart very deep and permanent. All that I got from him, I got because of you. Thank you. Sandee, I know by now my boy Kringle has crossed the Bridge. If you have a minute, could you please let me know that he made it okay? He was pretty worn out so he probably needed a helping paw. Could you please give him the best hug & kiss you've got & let him know that I love him so much, and I miss him even more? Thank you. Suzanne, Thank you for taking care of me during Kringle's last day, & especially the day of..... Kringle had a deep impact on me, and on my heart. I didn't know just how much untill then.. Thank you to all of you, who have sent me such kind words of condolence. I wish you could have known Kringle, he really was one very unique & special ferret-boy. Thank you, my FML family. Yours kind thoughts and prayers mean so much. It never gets any easier, does it??? Sue [Posted in FML issue 5089]