I posted on CSI two weeks ago, when my beloved little guy Sebastian died in my arms. And it would really be terrific if he was looked after at the Bridge. He came to me after losing his cagemate, Nero. And then his owner decided he "didn't want the mess" of losing Sebastian, so I got an unwieldy cage and a ferret with terribly advanced and untreated Adrenal disease.I knew Sebastian for the first year of his life, and he was always the sweetest little guy. I remember when I first saw him, at the back of a cage in a pet store. All his cage mates were sables, and he was the only albino. They were all roughhousing, playing around, nipping. I stuck my fingers in the cage and he came slowly down the ramp, lay down squarely in front of me, rested his little head on my outstretched fingers and stared into my eyes as if to say "can I go home now?" I regret, more than anything, leaving him behind when I left my ex. But technically he was not mine, and I was assured that with his finances as solid as they were, Sebastian and Nero would be taken care of. Of course, I was wrong. They were never taken to a vet again after I left, and when Sebastian came to me at last, it was just a matter of time. Sebastian was so sweet. Never a nipper, never even a rough-housing guy. He was happy exploring, taking his treasures and moving them from one hidey hole to another. He was not my smart guy, not my playful guy, but my sweet guy. He would sleep in my arms while I watched television. He would kiss my nose like it was his sworn duty. My other two ferrets, a bonded pair, did not get along with him, as his gentle nature collided with their rambunctious war-game style of communication. So sadly, Sebastian spent his last months in an isolated area of the cage, always in sight of fellow ferrets, but not able to have any more than the shortest, supervised visits. They were mean to him, and his skin was just too thin for him to be pulled around. I remember one of the times I tried to integrate my ferrets, and they were picking on Sebastian. I opened the cage to rescue him, and Sebastian, wide-eyed, leapt out of the cage onto my arm, grabbing it tightly and scrambling up my body, trembling, his whole body rigid. I don't pretend to be a pet psychic, but everything about him was screaming "let me go home! I want to go HOME!" I held him, looking over in the corner at the collapsed ferret cage that had been his home for four years, looking around my place, which was an unfamiliar landscape to him. I knew that even my smell, faintly familiar, was not the smell of his "real" dad, of his "real" home, and THAT was where he wanted to be. But all that was gone, all that had disappeared. I had no way to communicate it to him, and I knew that I embodied all that was cruel and heartless by not giving him the one simple thing he had always had, that security, his cagemate, his home, his world. I just held him, and eventually he calmed down. Not in peace, I suspect, but in exhaustion. He finally passed away in my arms at 9:20 AM Sunday, September 11th. He had a seizure around 3 AM, and was unresponsive after that. I took him from his cage to my bed, and cuddled with him until he died. I don't think I have ever felt so inadequate. I only hope I managed to communicate to him that he was loved, that I was sorry, that the world did not even begin to do him justice. He was not smart, not witty, not clever. he didn't do tricks, or escape from impenetrable places. He chuckled when he walked, though by the time I saw him, his dancing days were over. He was simply very sweet, very loving, and wanted nothing more than to be home, forever, with his cage mate. So please, Sandee... Let me know is he found Nero again, if he found a home again. Let me know if he forgives me. I tried so hard, but I'm just a stupid human who can't make the world a better place than it is. All I could offer him was love and companionship, and maybe something resembling an apology for his short, sad life. Thanks Jonathan Benjamin and Ringo [Posted in FML issue 5020]