You wrote: So we, Nubby, Molly, Jenny, Missy, Toby & Timmy are going to be nice and ask you fine folks to help our dear mom & dad out on any suggestions on keeping us away from this new monster arriving in a few weeks. (A new sofa) Oooh! Oooh! Oooh! I have one! Take ordinary painted metal raingutter tubing and run a circle of it around the new sofa on the ground. Now fill the bottom of the tubing say, half an inch deep with kerosene all around. Punch about a hundred holes in the top of the tubing with a screwdriver to let the eventual flames pour out. Set afire. (Here, imagine Johnny Cash as a really jowly hob in a black leather jacket singing 'Burning Ring of Fire.') That will keep the ferrets out of your new sofa. For a while. Eventually, you will need more kerosene. Alexandra in MA [Posted in FML issue 4907]