It seems that this year most of my posts to the FML have been about losses, and this one is no different. But before I tell you of Samwise Gamgee and Conan, I want to wish you all a very happy and safe New Years. Everyone hold your babies close, give them lots of hugs. Sam, Samwise Gamgee. Cinnamon's bonded mate. Sammy was so sweet. He and Cinnamon would go to schools before they met me, and when children were here these two were allowed to be with them. I'd be studying and Sam would come up, touch me to hold him while I studied. He'd get silly, dance across the room, grab our hands-he and Cinnamon had learned to be ferrets with us, they hadn't allowed to be that way with the previous human. Sam had adrenal surgery late last month, and never recovered. Two weeks ago we noticed him rapidly losing weight, and I was getting ready to take him to the vet. The night before he went to the vet he passed pure blood, and huge pool of it, fell over. I got him to the vet, and we talked. He thought we could save him, and so we started working on it. Then on a Friday night he passed a black, smelly poop that was pure liquid. I got him out to the vet on Saturday and he did it again. It was pure bile from his liver. So we put him on massive subq fluids and antibiotics. After a week he rallied, weight went up, eyes bright, and then last Monday, 12/20, he crashed. Back to the vet, more fluids. I worked with him forcing him to eat and drink, subq fluids. But 12/24 he gave up. He began to refuse to eat and drink, when we'd put the needle in him for fluids he began to bleed and he was bruising. To feed him it would be on my finger, and he'd eat very little. Fluids were with a syringe, and I'd have to pin him down. And I couldn't do it to him anymore. I kept him going as much as I could over the weekend, and on 12/27/04, my Samwise Gamgee went to the Bridge to be with Cinnamon. I kept telling him how sorry I was, how I felt I'd failed him. I hope he doesn't think I did. I talked to the vet after the necropsy, and he told me it was an autoimmune problem. His body basically turned against him. He told me that what happened to Sam is what happens to animals that get into rat poison, but he knows that we keep nothing like that around, so it was just his body turning in on itself. But I keep thinking there had to be more I could have done. Conan, the very, very last of the original Crew of Merry Mayhem, our first rescue. He was offered 'free' in the paper, and Larry went to get him. He found him in a cage, the kid there would shove a broom in the cage, saying "Do you want to play," and of course Conan would bite at it. When they let him out the kid would chase him with the broom. Naturally Larry grabbed him and home he came. He was so funny. When we were living in a townhouse we had to put up a barricade to keep them from the downstairs, as it wasn't ferret proofed. I found Conan racing through the kitchen, hiding under the cabinet, peeking out at me. I got him back upstairs, and then waited. I heard a scrabbling, and there he was, shoulders and head over the barricade. The look on his face was priceless, as if he was saying "Oh, crud, I've been caught." He made the entire moves just fine, and was so happy to be here in the house. He had his left adrenal out well over a year ago, knowing the right would be next. We started him on Lupron shots to keep the right one at bay, and it seemed to work. He was always so happy after his shot. Two weeks ago I got him out of his cage and he was drawn up into a ball, literally crying in agony. I knew something was seriously wrong, and called the vet. He told me how to try to ease him, and Conan went out the next morning. Kevin called, and he had a bladder infection-bladder was full of crystals and pus, was the size of a golf ball. He spent the night and then the vet showed me how to express him to work the infection out, and keep him on antibiotics. The vet had found a bladder tumor on an x-ray, but we were hoping surgery could get rid of it. We agreed that before New Years we'd do surgery on him. I was praying it was his prostate, but I was so wrong. Conan had a huge tumor that the urethra had tried to get around, and the tubes were full of crystals and pus. He also had a huge right adrenal that had adhered the vena cava to the liver, plus a large mass-a 'blood mass' that was into the kidneys and spleen. Our vet told me all this, said we could try to make him comfortable until he went into pain, but I couldn't do that to Conan. I wasn't going to let his bladder become infected again, wait for something to rupture. And so I did the only thing I could do to make him well, I let him go home. Sandee, Saraferret, and Muldoone, could you please watch for them? I know Samwise made it there yesterday, and that Conan is there at the Bridge now. Please make sure the Crew met them. Samwise will know some of them, and I know Cinnamon will be glad to see him. Conan, well, the party may not stop for a month, as he's known all of those there, and that now numbers somewhere around 34, counting him. Mully-you stay for the party and you join in, because I think of you, Sandee and Saraferret as members of the Crew, too, as you've seen them so often. Please let them know I tried to help them, make sure Sammy understands and doesn't think I did wrong by him. I know they'll be having a blast with the others, because now they're all well. And so my year ends with two more losses-18 all totaled for this year. I think the end of 2004 could hurry up and get here, because I'm not sure have much of a heart left now with all the pieces that left with the babies this year. Rebecca & the Crew of Merry Mayhem "Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for thou art crunchy, and taste good with ketchup" "Support bacteria, it's the only culture some people have" [Posted in FML issue 4742]