I apologize for the delay in updating you all on my mom. She was moved to ICU and put on a ventilator when she could no longer breathe for herself... she was also battling a staphylococcus infection (the worst there is) for which there is no antibiotic to cure. She could hear and communicate for little things by nodding her head yes or no. That helped me provide her with little creature comforts..socks on cold feet, hand massages to keep her from tugging at the tube down her throat, some classical music to drown out the incessant bleeping of the machines that kept her alive. Although her condition was serious, I refused to believe that she would not come out of this... she HAD to..she's my mom...and I would be lost without her. She would pull through this. One day we held a prayer circle with her pastor. During the prayer I experienced a vision of mom walking hand in hand with a beautiful benevolent male figure. She smiled as they walked, healthy and happy. I interpreted this to be a message from a higher power that God would see her through this illness...and in His way I suppose he has...His way...surely not mine or any of the hundreds of family, friends and piano students that are left behind. My mom passed away on January 17 after being in the hospital for exactly a week. My mom had this habit of sending me a slew of cutesy little emails. I remember how annoyed I'd get because so many people sent me the same things and would clutter up my email box. One of those things I wish to God I had to annoy me now. I was just too busy to appreciate it as a loving gesture from the most important woman in my life. Mom has been gone for three weeks now. I don't know how I make it from day to day...It is not getting easier to deal with.. if it weren't for the ferrets in my care, I'd have no reason to get out of bed. Dad is working through his grief by cleaning out her belongings which us kids are finding a little difficult to deal with but supporting him nonetheless.. dad is 78. When I was cleaning up the computer desk the other day I found that she had printed out a copy of a poem she had emailed about a messy house....I had read and deleted it assuming it to be another mass haha circulated around the internet. I couldn't imagine why she felt it necessary to print a copy. I put it in the stack of many things I was saving...just because....if she printed it there must certainly be a reason. As I continued to dig through the stack of papers I came across a few sheets of yellow legal paper, old, worn and browned with age. I carefully unfolded it to find that it was a handwritten version of the poem she sent me...it was one of her original works written in 1980 when I was a teenager. A gift for writing was something mom and I shared and I never really appreciated until now. Why am I sharing this with all of you? You are a special group of people in my life, many of you with whom I am very close. You will never truly appreciate what the term "the little things" means until you lose a parent. No matter how old you are, you suddenly feel orphaned, that your no one's "little girl" anymore. It's the worst heart wrenching pain you will ever feel. Please appreciate your parents while you are still fortunate enough to have them in your life. Iron out your differences. Most of my years with my mom were very troubled. For the past year however I've had premonitions that she would not be here much longer. A small voice kept telling me to take the time now, do the things with her that she wanted to do...and I did. We made Thanksgiving dinner together and she shared her stuffing recipe with me. We cooked for church dinners and made crabcakes together. We went to see My Big Fat Greek Wedding and she thought that was the bomb..even though I wound up taking a Big Fat Greek Nap half way through. Spend time with them doing things that they enjoy..do it just to make them happy. Warm Fuzzys, Kim Fox [Posted in FML issue 4416]