Our ferret math is all minuses these days. Someone was talking about not having animals unless you can budget a certain dollar per animal for medical expenses. Well, sometimes you start out OK, but things change. Not to say I haven't done everything for my little ones that I can, but a new baby changes everything. After Tasha died last year, during my pregnancy, I dealt with a fairly severe case of prenatal depression. My heart felt cold and numb. I haven't ever been the same. I told myself then that we would not add any too our business. In February we were still paying off the vet bills from Tasha's fight in August, with the added doctor bills of my delivery. We lost Nietzsche to adrenal in February. I felt guilty then. I still feel guilty. I have tried very hard to keep everyone in my mind. As Katherine has gotten older, it has become more easy to include the ferrets in our playtimes. We have a small house, and the ferrets have their own space. Its too easy to check their food and water each day and do little else. But I've been trying. Making a point. Katherine in her walker with little ferret noses tickling her feet and peeking over the tray at her. 10 month old hands wishing we would let them touch the soft fur. Its so hard. My heart breaks. Today when I came home, my Robin was gone. I don't know why. Was his heart broken too? Another minus in my book of ferret math. But I don't think my heart can get any more broken than it is. And I don't know if I deserve the love of the three dears who've toughed it out this far, with all the neccessities except my attention. It's bitter. I can only keep trying. Should I find them another home? "Dump" them on someone else? More bitter still. All minuses. Melissa Rotert Mira, Samurai and O'Dell Missing Cael, Booboo, Tasha, Nietsche and Robin. Together at the bridge, and happier for it. [Posted in FML issue 4286]