My Ferrets, Minky, Pandora, Ralphie, Lulu and Bucky all asked if I would type out a letter they so kindly dictated to me. Please don't take offense at their comments, some of them can be a little blunt. Dear Ferret Slaves, We find the grammar of your Masters and Mistresses to be deplorable. What's all the "dis" and "dat" and "I gots" and "wif"? Those words are definitely not in OUR dictionary. Are you actually training your loved ones to speak like that, or are they from some strange part of the country with a type of slang we are not accustomed to. All of us ferrets in this house were taught, since kithood, how to speak the language properly. No ferret is perfect, of course...well, at least that's what we want the slaves/humans to think, but we feel the poor grammar and spelling skills has become and epidemic. The five of us are available at any time, day or night, except when sleeping, eating or playing, to help tutor any ferret who's interested in improving their skills. We also teach typing, but don't tell our human (hey...why am *I* typing this then?-human secretary). Miss Pandora also will be starting up a ladies ettiquette class, for all the young women who really want to fine tune their manners. Ladies, this is your chance to really hook a fine ferret-man! Lulu has been setting up a thrift store behind the living room chair, she's quite the treasure hunter. So far she's collected lots of big money items, like the cover of the new Harry Potter book; MANY pairs of fine ladies shoes, size 7.5 only; various store receipts (think refunds); dog chew toys; and she's just acquired a beautiful red wrapper from a 3-pack of dentyne cinnamon gum! She'll be giving a lecture on how to hone your entrepreneurial skills, and earn enough money to buy your OWN treats, instead of waiting for the humans to get them. We all know that online mail order can be done by any monkey...so we'll teach you how to use a credit card to order all the snacks you could ever want. Well, that's it for now, before the slave, I mean human learns too much, we'll sign off. Anyone interested in any of the above classes or lectures, please contact us through the FLO, our secret email name is "[log in to unmask]" Have a nice day, Minky, Pandora, Ralphie, Lulu and Bucky [Posted in FML issue 4204]