The big hole left in my heart. BamBam left me today, hopefully for a better place, without pain, and where he could walk, play and roll over in your funny special way again. It all seems to have happen so fast. Ten days ago you were fine, running, playing and stealing cheweasels from the other ferrets. One day you were limping. I thought maybe you had twisted your leg on a ramp in your cage. Two days later you stopped using that back leg all together, and you were making an awful rasping noise when you breathed. The vet thought maybe you had a respiratory infection so he gave me medicine to give to you. Oh, you hated it so much, you reminded me you were still my big boy as you fought me with clenched jaws. Your legs continued to get worse, and three days later back to the vet we went. X-rays, blood tests, urine tests and lots of hugs later the vet told me, congestive heart failure. He gave me new medicine to give you and said I should have time left with you. Maybe weeks, maybe months. He said you should lose another pound. Wow, he didn't know that over the last year you have lost 1 1/2 pounds to get to the trim 4 1/4 pounds you were. I brought you home Monday hoping for the best. Sadly not being able to use your back legs also meant you had accidents on yourself. I changed your bedding often, washed you to try to keep you clean, applied ointment to your belly to easy the urine burns, and cried. I cried because you were slipping away from me. I struggled to find something, anything you would eat. I fed you every two hours, and I cried some more. Today is Friday and it seems like it was yesterday this all started, and you are gone. We could not let you suffer anymore. Your spirit was gone today, I saw it in your eyes when I fed and held you. I miss you, daddy misses you, your brothers and sister miss you. We won't forget you and you will live on in our hearts. I pray you are happy and comfortable now, the awful burns on your tummy are healed and you can once again steal cheweasels and your back legs work to carry you away fast once again. We love you BamBam Mom and Dad [Posted in FML issue 4066]