>From: "Church, Robert Ray (UMC-Student)" <[log in to unmask]> > >10. For me, ferrets symbolize joy; try and honor the joy they brought >into your home. for me as well, ferrets symbolize joy. when my ferrets pass on, I concentrate on the good memories I have, and avoid thinking about the circumstances in which they pass on. I try not to think about the maybe's and whatif's, because I don't think it is constructive, and thinking isn't going to change anything. I would always have ferrets, to not have any more ferrets because the pain is so great would be dishonouring the memory of my loved ones; for me, the happiness they bring me would always be worth way more than the pain I go through. having said that, the above is my very logical assessment of how things are, and I do carry it out logically. emotionally is a different matter. after my first ferret crossing last year, I kept myself busy and such, and thought I was dealing fairly well with things. however, I was unable to focus on my work, and barely managed to get things done. after coming back from a relaxing holiday (with ferrets) more stressed than before, panic attacks and death related thoughts, I finally got help in the forms of anti-depressants and counselling. I was lucky that anti-depressants worked for me, and my counseller is understanding and helpful. before I had ferrets, I had probably had depression (event triggered) for 10 years or more. after I became a multi ferret household, my depression symptoms (mostly suicidal thoughts, which is a bit worse than death related thoughts) disappeared, and I was described by somebody as the most content person they know. it lasted about 3 years before my first ferret crossing, and if I hadn't seeked help before my next two ferret crossings within the same week, I'm not sure whether I would be able to deal with it. one of the things that came up in counselling was the irony that my ferrets, responsible for so much of my happiness, is also the cause for so much pain. I have to admit that because of past experiences I am probably more attached to my ferrets than the average pet owner. I had set up a ridiculous number of defense mechanisms to avoid disappointment and sadness, and yet not anticipated the ferret. if I had known they were so shortlived and had so many problems, maybe I would have gotten a parrot 8 years ago, or got started on cocaine :), or something. but now it is too late, I am hooked. I think one of the things that ferret owners have it worst is that ferrets elicit the same emotional attachment as dogs or cats, yet their expected life span is less than half as long, and the number of medical problems they have is much higher. so for a multi ferret family, dealing with crossings every couple of years, or multiple ones at the same time, seems very common, but this problem is not addressed in any pet loss articles I have read. I guess I'm sharing a bit of how I try to deal with it (not necessarily that successful), and my rather cynical view of things. I'm also lucky in terms of having very supportive friends, but I still find it impossible to talk to anybody about my ferret crossing, and it is partly out of respect for people who care about me that I share at all. a metaphor I have found useful in trying to explain to others what losing a pet feels like. imagine a two year old toddler. at that age, they have enough intellectual interaction, yet still a lot of dependency, love is unconditional, and you are their all. losing a pet would be like losing a toddler. posting anonymously because I want to focus on the experience rather than the individual. but if anyone has questions posted to the fml I would be happy to answer privately. I would also be interested in how people deal with multiple losses over time. [SU] [Posted in FML issue 4049]