Great post Bob. The only thing that I would add is understanding that grieving is different for everyone. Some people grieve openly and some more privately. Some people need the comfort of others around, while others need time before they deal with the death with other people. That is where I fit myself into. For me, I tend to want to be by myself when we have a death in the family. That goes for human or non-human. There is something about having people around that does not feel comfortable with me. I find that I need to have time to deal with the grief on my own terms first and foremost, and then share in their memory with others. Hubby tends to be the same way. I think that for both of us it is our way of spending private time with the one we have lost, remembering them, talking about them, sharing stories and our tears... I think we would share with others more often if we could find people who could truly understand what a loss means to us outside of this list. Two weeks to the day, we lost one of our dearest ferrets just before Christmas. He filled our lives from the day he entered our home. He gave us challenge after challenge, and we rode the good and bad days right along with him. When we finally had to euthanize him, it was devastating for us. And although we have a housefull of ferrets, our home has not been the same since his death. He made a great dent in our lives and a left us with a huge hole in our heart. There is still a great emptiness that lingers here and I know that it will remain a lifetime... One week later, we lost our guinea pig. He had been a member of the household for many years. The house is so quiet without his ear drum breaking whistles, squeals and squeaks... This year had already been filled with losses for us, but I think they hit us hardest when they happen around a time of celebration such as a holiday or special day. In our case, our grieving turned into point of contention. We were constantly uncertain as to whether or not we wanted to be around anyone during Christmas. It's not that we felt that we would betray these little lives by enjoying ours, but more about not being over the grief. And we needed time to grieve but everyday brought more things that we needed to put our attention to and forced us to put our grieving temporarily aside. We had loosely planned for spending Christmas Eve together with some friends a few months before, but we never found the time to settle on any details. No one had planned for having to euthanize one of our family members... Once that happened, we no longer felt in a Christmas spirit, but stupidly I thought that we would physically still spend one night together and put our grief aside for a few hours. The closer we came to Christmas Eve, the harder it became to decide what was right for us to do. Our emotions yo-yoed. We didn't want to offend the friends who had invited us to spend Christmas with them, but we also did not want to be in their company when we knew we were feeling the way we were. We decided at the last minute that we wanted to spend Christmas by ourselves, so that we could deal with our grief respectfully. As a result, we are no longer friends. In understanding that we all grieve differently I ask that we all be patient, understanding, compassionate and allow those that need to grieve, the time to grieve "their way". Do not apply your own feelings of how to grieve onto others as chances are, they won't always fit. Be kind and considerate and if plans have to change last minute, allow those that are grieving the time to do with a clear conscience and free from the burden of guilt. Again, great post Bob. betty and her blur o'fur for the love of ferrets missing Spaz and Squirt [Posted in FML issue 4049]