Dear Ferret Folks- Ferrets don't share too well but they are great gift-givers. Here is what the ladies, Switch and Lily, have given me this Christmas Eve, the traditional time that we exchange gifts in my family: Four ancient poops and one juicy fresh one in the darkest corner of my kitchen floor. Thank god for linoleum, is all I can say. Oh, yes, and putty knives, too. Maybe next year Santa will bring me a new putty knife for scraping up fossilized fecal material! A girl can hope. Maybe if I'm veeery good... A tipped over wastebasket on the bathroom floor. Wads of hair pulled from the shower drain, and numerous empty cardboard toilet paper tubes are strewn here and there for my contemplation. Oh, look! a used band-aid! Lucky me. How thoughtful. They shouldn't have, really. They knocked over the dog's food bowl again, kibble everywhere...Oh, that's not for me? It's a present for the dog? Silly me, what was I thinking? I was especially moved by the way they chewed the gifts beneath the Christmas tree. Those tiny dimpled perforations in the wrapping paper are so delicate... It's little personal touches like these that make the holiday season come alive for me! Right now I can hear them getting one last thing ready for me. I think it's going to be a big damn mess under the potted plants in my living room! Dirt everywhere! Nobody, but nobody can fling dirt like my Lily. She truly has a gift... And I am thinking about giving them a very special gift...a BATH! BWA-HA-HA-HA! It's the thought that counts, right ladies? Now come here, you furry little elf wanna-bes! Come to Mamma! Merry Christmas Alexandra in Massachusetts Switch: "Wait till she finds all the stocking stuffers we left her under the sofa!" Lily: "Ho-ho-ho!" [Posted in FML issue 4007]