This has got to be the hardest posting to the FML I have ever made. I hurt so badly. I went out to my ferret's room last night (Thursday) to bring them in to play in my bedroom. Pepper and Bubbles were there to greet me like always but I couldn't find my Sneezy. Sneezy was my first ferret. The one my son bought but I took over because he wasn't taking care of her the way he should. She is the one that brought me to the internet seeking answers to my questions on how to be a good ferret mom. I tore the room up looking for her, in all the piles of blankets and towels that I keep all around the room so they could curl up, be warm and take a nap. The panic I felt when I couldn't find her. I couldn't see how she could possibly gotten past me and gotten outside, but then in dealing with ferrets, nothing is impossible and you take nothing for granted. The feeling I had is indescribable. I even started using the squeaky toy that I had trained them to, inside and outside. I ran back in the house and got my SO to come and help me. Needless to say, I was almost incoherent by this time. I thought I had checked absolutely everywhere in the ferret room I could check. I had even checked the black AC tubing that they had to run and play in. My SO did another check on the tubing. Out slide my Sneezy. I can't even begin to tell you how I reacted to that. I had been in and out of the room several times during the day, she was just fine that morning. Came out, got a treat from me and let me scratch her back, as always. Apparently shortly after that, Sneezy climbed into the tube, laid down and went to sleep. A sleep she didn't wake up from. The best I can tell it was a very peaceful passing for her. For me on the other hand, it has been pure hell. She was my first furbaby. But she is the third one I have lost this year. Sneezy was just over six years old. Had not had any real problems at all. Her blood sugar had dropped a little bit, down to 109. My vet's cutoff for problems is 90, so she put Sneezy on half a tablet of prednisone every third day just to help keep it up. Sneezy was reacting fine to this treatment and doing just great. She perked up and was more like her old self. We only started the treatment, less than a month ago. I am hurting so bad. I didn't get a chance to say goodbye. I just held her in my arms and cried. This is going to take some time to get over. Thank God, I still have Pepper and Bubbles. That is going to help. But now I can't help but wonder which of them is next. Especially since Pepper, who was Sneezy's cagemate from the pet store on, is six and Bubbles will shortly be seven. Sandee, please look out for my Sneezy. Please lead her to Nosey, Rascal, and Rosey who are already there. I placed her favorite feather she liked to play with next to her. I am sure she would be more than happy to share it with the others. And if anyone can please offer me words of wisdom and advice as to how to let go of all this pain, please, please tell me. For the love of ferrets, Barbara Laugesen Pepper and Bubbles Across the Bridge, my newest angel Sneezy, along with Rosey, Rascal, and Nosey. [Posted in FML issue 3940]