wolfy...you have read Charlie's pages...right?...i put all my feelings at the time on there...i still blame myself for his death...by him hanging from that chair for nearly 10 minutes...[and me not going to check what the noise was...]...the blood to his brain had to be diminished...if not totally cut off at some point...causing the neurological damage he had... and the subsequent problems...eventually making it necessary for us to help him to the bridge.. i wonder if others will have the problem i have...i do not think i could go read char's pages and go thru those emotions again...i just can't go thru the pain of his loss..."in my face" as it were...again...it is dim in my memory now...that is how i deal with very painful things...i block them out...i don't think i really know when i do it...till something like this surfaces...and i have to consiously think about something...but i know i have done it before in my life... it did not happen right away...[the dim memory]...but i can not say when it did...i just know now...2 years later...that that is what must have happened... but i can't go read his story...not yet anyway... love, kat ===== KITY=^..^=KAT and the Kollektive [17] http://www.geocities.com/ferretlover97 In Memory of...White Russian...who lost his fight with ADV on May 8, 2002 Missing pieces of my heart...Marcel, LittleWhiteGirl, Narmy, OldGuy, D'weezle, Pye, Sandi, Jack, and the biggest pieces of my heart...Sonny, Charlie and Geezer! ...Keeping in memory...Dweezil, Opie and Tunees... My ferret Afghans! http://www.geocities.com/crochetkat/ferret Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened. Think about it! [Posted in FML issue 3850]