I was approached the other day by a very strange little creature that introduced himself to me as Skippy. He very boldly asked if it were true that I had the only remaining French Schneider 520mm howitzer. I told him, "Yes. Why?" He explained to me that he was in charge of some Civil War cannon he and his other mates used to celebrate birthdays and other special occasions. He went on to tell me that a very special birthday was coming that they felt deserved a much larger cannon but their request to borrow any of the guns in armories around the world had been turned down. They had heard that I was restoring this howitzer and that funds were slow coming in and that experts in the field of large gun restoration were very hard to find. Skippy made an offer to me that was intriguing, to say the least. In exchange for its use for one firing, he and his crew would complete the actual restoration if I provided the parts and equipment needed. Skippy was most persuasive and by the end of our visit, I had acquiesced and given him the okay. The next day, he showed up with a number of other creatures, which he introduced as all Skippy's! Unbelievable. Skippy (The head Skippy??) also said that later that day, three more ferrets, (That is what he said they all were.) would arrive to discuss the arraignments for the firing of the cannon. As stated, three ferrets arrived, a 'Murphy', who was a handsome Sable, RCMP attired gentleman (??), Sammy, who said he was a DEW, but wore a yarmulke, and, much to my surprise, another Sable who rolled up in a strange looking contraption he called a wheelchair, who was introduced to me as Max. We had an interesting chat, with the three of them telling all about this person they wished to surprise on his birthday with a 'shot heard round the world'. I must say, they were a dedicated lot, and could be quite noisy when they all started barking and chittering amongst themselves. In the end, I approved of what they wanted to do with my gun. In any case, I did tell them I was a little concerned that a charge that big in such an old gun might be dangerous but all the Skippy's stated together, in unison, that they were the best and that simply was not a possibility. All this was over a month ago, and now the gun stands pointed to the heavens, ready to fire. Invitations to the grand firing had been sent out to people world wide and they are all here now, standing beside and behind this small band of now, immaculately dressed ferrets. (I tell you, I had no idea how bright the red was, in an RCMP uniform, nor how white the coats could be that all the Skippy's were wearing. I don't know how they did it, but the Skippy's had devised a way that all the people and all the critters in attendance could pull the firing lanyard, simultaneously. Skippy One (As I have been calling him) finally stood next to the gun, with a large signaling flag held high above the crowd. Slowly, he began the countdown and on the count of ZERO, he dropped the flag and the assembled multitude pulled the lanyard! What a mighty, thunderous, explosion occurred, as the gun threw its charge high into the sky. Higher and higher the charge climbed, until the it finally detonated, well into the outer reaches of our atmosphere. The charge threw out everything one could imagine...confetti, streamers, and balloons of incredible size, along with parachutes that carried in the upper winds, laden with M&M's (Plain, peanut, Ferretone, Green Chile, alfalfa, Pemmican, and all other popular flavors. Even the three new colors were present for people to choose! I don't know how the Skippy's did it, but another charge went up as well, this one carrying high over Paul Jameson's house and place of work in Kansas, exploding precisely with another shower of all the things Paul likes and a HUMONGUS banner that slowly descended without folding, saying, ***HAPPY BIRTHDAY PAUL! From all of us, who have read your birthday greetings, we send this one to you! We love you! Thanks for being here for us! This one is for you!*** The party continues on at ground zero, led by those strange little creatures that seem to think nothing is impossible. I am beginning to think they are right. How Max can wheel about and play that ocarina is beyond me. And from me Paul...Thank You for your presence here and everywhere! MC [Posted in FML issue 3791]