We have always had such a special bond. She could tell me what she wanted just by looking up at me. She was my Beauty Queen, Silver Queen, Queen Bean Sabine. She and Eloise were our first two ferrets 8 years ago come August. Since then she has had a broken leg (no one ever admitted how), insulinoma, diabetes and congestive heart failure. I thought she would die two years ago from the diabetes, but she responded to insulin and then her diabetes stayed in remission as long as she had her monthly Lupron shots. Until a few months ago, she still toured the Wreck Room and let Zoe know she still wanted to kill her for being another female. Of course she still loved all her boys (such a floozy); Rebecca's boy and girl she ignored as upstarts beneath her notice. She has been tired for a few months now, never leaving her cage and sleeping most of the time, but she loved to bury her nose in my elbow while I rubbed her head or lower back, and she loved her food and her Ferretone and NutriStat treats. She had a stroke recently and lost the use of one front leg, and she was dragging herself the inches to her food, water and poop corner. I have wondered over and over if I would have to let her go, but she let me know that she still enjoyed her limited life. A few days ago she started to make pained creaking noises when I woke her up. Today it even bothered her when I gently moved her sleep sack to change the incontinence pad. I was somewhat preoccupied today because I had watched Zoe overnight to see if she was pooping at all (she was) and was then getting Jake ready to see the vet because of bloody poops. But twice when I picked Sabine up to cuddle her she only wanted to get back in her sack. The third time she creaked and really buried her head in my elbow in such a sad way. So I took her along to the vet. My own vet is on vacation, but this one was very good to us. I had lots of time with her around his examining Jake, and he gave me several opportunities to change my mind. Except for looking to see where she was and to see if the barking dog was in the room, Sabine just lay in my arms and let me rub her head. I knew she felt old and tired and in pain and ready to go meet Eloise across the Bridge. She was so strong that she could have lived for many more days or longer, but she was ready to be helped to leave today, and for the first time I had no hesitation about whether it would be right not to let her go on her own. It has been a hard 8 months. In August, Kermit died at 5yo after 4 years of eosinophilic gastroenteritis on the very day I was finally allowed to bend over after 6 weeks recuperating from surgery. My first act was to go to the ferrets' Wreck Room, only to find him in his hammock. I haven't gotten over him yet, and since then I have lost my flying squirrel girl Eloise (7.5yo) to aggressive lymphoma, and we just lost Muggsie, our 6yo loveable ambassador ferret, a few weeks ago to aggressive cancer. Tomorrow the vet will call to tell me if Jake (6yo), who is already on Lupron, has lymphoma or an infection. In two weeks, on her 7th birthday, Zoe will begin Lupron treatments. Both Jake and Zoe still act healthy, but only Mighty Martin, the 5.25 lb 4yo love sponge, has nothing worse than impacted anal glands. As soon as I think I can handle it, we will be visiting Diane Bodofsky's shelter to let Martin choose a younger friend. We'd hate for him to be left friendless. He's already so bored since Rebecca and her two youngsters moved out in January. Thanks for listening. Only ferret people understand. Judith -- * * * Support Our Shelters * * * http://www.SupportOurShelters.org [Posted in FML issue 3763]