BIG, bear with me, this is long but it's the song's fault, not mine. A Traditional Christmas Carol, corrected for Ferret Lovers by H. Wojtowicz On the first day of Christmas, my ferret gave to me A knocked-over, dug-up pear tree On the second day of Christmas, my ferret gave to me Two stolen gloves And a knocked-over, dug-up pear tree. On the third day of Christmas, my ferret gave to me Three stashed treats Two stolen gloves, and a knocked-over dug-up pear tree On the fourth day of Christmas, my ferret gave to me Four escape attempts Three stashed treats, two stolen gloves And a knocked-over, dug-up pear tree. On the fifth day of Christmas, my ferret gave to me Five piles of...love. Four escape attempts, three stashed treats, two stolen gloves And a knocked-over, dug-up pear tree. On the sixth day of Christmas, my ferret gave to me Six fruitless scoldings Five piles of...love. Four escape attempts, three stashed treats, two stolen gloves And a knocked-over, dug-up pear tree. On the seventh day of Christmas, my ferret gave to me Seven socks a-stolen Six fruitless scoldings Five piles of...love. Four escape attempts, three stashed treats, two stolen gloves And a knocked-over, dug-up pear tree. On the eighth day of Christmas, my ferret gave to me Eight "dooks" of mischief Seven socks a-stolen, six fruitless scoldings Five piles of...love Four escape attempts, three stashed treats, two stolen gloves And a knocked-over, dug-up pear tree On the ninth day of Christmas, my ferret gave to me, Nine cries of, "No! No!" Eight "dooks" of mischief, seven socks a-stolen, six fruitless scoldings Five piles of...love Four escape attempts, three stashed treats, two stolen gloves And a knocked-over, dug-up pear tree. On the tenth day of Christmas, my ferret gave to me Ten wet-nosed snuggles Nine cries of "No! No!", eight "dooks" of mischief Seven socks a-stolen, six fruitless scoldings Five piles of...love Four escape attempts, three stashed treats, two stolen gloves And a knocked-over, dug-up pear tree. On the eleventh day of Christmas, my ferret gave to me Eleven cupboards raided Ten wet-nosed snuggles, Nine cries of, "No! No!" Eight "dooks" of mishief, seven socks a-stolen, six fruitless scoldings, Five piles of...love Four escape attempts, three stashed treats, two stolen gloves And a knocked-over, dug-up pear tree. On the twelfth day of Christmas, my ferret gave to me Twelve ferret kisses Eleven cupboards raided, ten wet-nosed snuggles Nine cries of "No!No!", eight dooks of mischief, Seven socks a-stolen, six fruitless scoldings Five piles of...love. Four escape attempts, three stashed treats, two stolen gloves And a knocked-over, dug-up pear tree! [Posted in FML issue 3637]