Hi everyone... I know its been a while since I have posted...I've been lurking, I've been really busy... Tonight we discovered one of our ferts had left us... he was just lying there, like he was asleep (Im hoping that his appearance is some indication of his passing... peaceful and all!)... just lying there... ya know, like he did all the time, but this time it was different this time he wasnt waking up... and all the crying and hoping in the world wouldnt bring him back tonight... This is the first ferret that has passed from our home... boy is this hard, or what?? I really loved him, he was (IS) part of our family... I am devastated by this, he was (shhhhh... dont tell the others) really kinda my favorite... he liked to sleep with me on the couch, he followed my feet not cuz he wanted to nibble them but (I think) just cuz they were MY feet... he loved cuddles and I was the ONLY one he ever kissed... I know he loved me too. He was ill when he came to me... so many things wrong in his little body... and recently we discovered through trial, close monitoring and play time that the meds were not helping him but rather deteriorating his quality of life... we phased out the meds about 4 months ago and found that he became a playful, hungry, thirsty boy with healthy poops and normal pee. It was great... I decided that I would rather him be happy for the remainder of his life, however long that was... ( I should mention at this point that had he been suffering, in any NOTICABLE pain or visibly deteriorating I would have rethought my decision) he was playful, and seemed VERY happy once the meds were stopped... I love him and just wanted him to enjoy his life. I just wanted him to enjoy being a ferret... and I really think he did... right now that is the one comfort I find ... I am still crying, that selfish cry that happens when we 'want' for things... what I "want" right now is for my little chipper to come over to me and do that thing he does when he wants me to pick him up and cuddle him... he sits on my feet... its soooo cute... then when I pick him up he nuzzles my cheek then curls up on my lap and just zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. I wish I had been able to hold him and say goodbye, you know, be there for him. I hope he knows how much I love him. just in case... Im gonna tell him again, and again, and again... I dont know what I will do tomorrow when I wake up and go to say good morning to the ferrets and remember (not that I could forget) that my chip isnt there anymore. I will go on... I will love the other ferrets just as much and probably find a new cuddle bum in the bunch but for always and forever I will LOVE my Chipper and remember life with him, especially the past 4 months when he played with us. I couldnt think of a better place to place my tears than the FML. I guess I just needed to share with a group of people that understand, REALLY understand! Thanks for listening! Sandee... My Chipper loved squishy places to sleep, Ferretone, raisins and Pepsi... the quantity of the treats was very limited here but Id really appreciate it if you could hook him up with a bowl of Pepsi, a comfy bed and some raisins ON ME! Tell him we wont forget him and that we love him still!! And we always will! And sandee... tell him we havent left him (he was left sooooo many times in his life)... could you also tell him Mommy and Daddy said "It's Okay! and we love You Chip!"... thank you Sandee from the bottom of my broken heart! Dooks, Dance and ... somewhere over the rainbow birds do fly... etc... -Betty Rebel... *great guardian of the treats!* [Posted in FML issue 3534]