A ferret, wearing a conservative suit and bowler and carrying an umbrella, steps forward. A dignified Cambridge man sticks his head out of the ferret's nostril and solemnly says, "And now for something completely different". The ferret begins to sing: THE JOHN CLEESE SONG By Paul E. Jamison Music by Bob Leaper (traditional) Based on "The Ferret Song" by Graham Chapman and John Cleese I've got a John Cleese sticking up my nose. I've got a John Cleese sticking up my nose. How it got there I can't tell But now it's there it hurts like hell And what is more it radically affects my sense of smell. I've got a John Cleese sticking up my nose. It starts singing when I wear my formal clothes. I can almost stand the noise But at parties it destroys My hard-earned and carefully cultivated social poise. I've got a John Cleese sticking up my nose. Worst of all it constantly explodes. "John Cleese doesn't explode," you say But it happened nine times yesterday And I should know for each time I was standing in the way. I've got a John Cleese sticking up my nose. It pokes its head out every time I blow. I can stand it for a while Although it's absolutely vile It's not as bad as last week when I had an Eric Idle. I can see a bare-bottomed Michael Palin. Slyly eyeing my other nostril. I really don't know what to do But if it jumps inside there too I shall be the proud possessor of a kind of nasal classic British television comedy series. I've got a John Cleese sticking up my nose. I've got a John Cleese sticking up my nose. How it got there I can't tell But now it's there it hurts like hell And what is more it radically affects... My sense of smell! Paul E. Jamison - who evidently has far too much time on his hands [Posted in FML issue 3371]