Alex is gone. I guess I'm not too popular with the "ferret people" in the state, though I'm not sure how that happened. I guess there is disapproval in the way I a) run my life b)run my home c)set my priorities. Some have said because of these things that maybe I am not fit to care for ferrets or maybe anything at all. I guess I have been judged. I'm OK with this. My ferrets are well fed (Iams Kitten, Totally Ferret, Unkanuba Kitten), well watered (filtered), free roam when I am at home (ferret proofed house), all have clean cages with clean bedding and all shots (distemper and rabies) are current. My love for them is as boundless as theirs is for me. But I am one of those very low middle income people. I cannot afford to pay a large sum of money for anything. I was out of work for three months this last summer and though I am now employed, I have to make double payments on my home and car for a little while just to catch up. Alex came into my life during this time of no income. I didn't turn him down because though he was loved, I could tell he needed help and I didn't like his living conditions. His owner called me, she couldn't give him any medical attention due to her circumstances. I gladly took him and contacted our local animal protection services to ask for funds for the vet. They offered to pay for a vet visit and initial meds. I've used this vet for all my shots but I've never had anything too serious for her. She diagnosed Alex with pneumonia and an enlarged liver that she thought might be normal for him. He was started on antibiotics and the pneumonia cleared up. I felt that his abdomen was definitely not normal but the money was now used up. I could not find a more experienced vet in the area who would give me a price break so I started saving a little money out of each pay check to go into our Alex Fund for a future operation. I loved him VERY much. I feel a GREAT guilt over him. I would take him outside with me to do the gardening, you see I believe it is every animals right to feel the grass under their feet and to smell the flowers and feel the breeze through their fur at least a few times before they leave this life. He was SO good. He loved it outside in the yard. He ate well and drank well, just often. I gave him Bob's chicken gravy and nutrical. I knew there was a shelter in our state that took in very sick ferrets. But the last time I knew that the head of it was in town she did not speak to me, I don't know why. I thought that maybe she, too, had decided that I should be shunned. After realizing that my pride wouldn't help Alex, I asked an associate of mind that knew the shelter owner longer than I, to please contact her and ask if she would take him. I could drive him down on the weekend. She turned us down, something she had never done in the past, telling us to contact the shelters that were closer to us in the area. I called two of the and left messages but to this day I haven't received any answers from them. She also told us that there were numerous vets in the area that were well capable. This is true. As a matter of fact there are numerous vets world-wide IF YOU HAVE THE MONEY. I buried my Alex this morning before coming into work. I do kaddish for him. I considered doing an autopsy but what would it matter? He's not suffering any more. Now to the point of all this. I know that you all care for and love ferrets. I have been a member of this list for many years now. I don't doubt that there are some who I wouldn't really like, or approve of some aspect of their life. I find it probably would go both ways. I know that there are people who I disagree with and one or two I flat out would question about some things. But I am one of those people because of my financial situation, have never turned anyone away because of their inability to pay for a ferret, or the way they are dressed (to include tattoos that I found offensive and piercings that raised a little concern), or their age, religion, etc. As a matter of fact I have NEVER turned anyone away. Which I suspect is the main reason the "ferret people" in my area have shunned me. Love can be found in so many situations. And some of the people who come to me need the joy of a ferret more than I could ever know. I know that there is abuse and neglect, I get those ferrets all the time. I only ask that if you are able to help someone, for you to put your personal feeling aside about the person asking for help. Not for themselves but for their little one who is in need. Alex is the only one to really suffer here. Look past the person and think of the one who you would really be helping. Don't let all the other Alexs die like that if you are able to help, just because you don't like me or others like me, please. I know this is what Alex would want. [TU] [Posted in FML issue 3176]