I want to thank everyone again for their support, their kind words and encouragment through this difficult time. It's been a source of comfort. Nikita took a turn this weekend. She started to get weaker on Sat. and by Sunday night could barely walk, try as she might (we've all seen the loss of hind limb strength). I didn't know if it was the kidneys, the heart or the insulinoma, and I'm not sure that it mattered anymore. None of those conditions are curable -- they only get worse with time. An acquaintance of mine once told me that you can usually see it in their eyes when they have had enough and are ready to go. I don't know if I saw it for certain, but she did look weary sometimes. Sometimes she still seems full of life, bright-eyed and affectionate; but then other times I know she feels lousy. She's 8 years old -- that's a decent lifetime for a ferret. I only wish I could have had more of that life to share with her. When you think about it, it says a lot about their nature when you can transplant a ferret from it's home of five years to a new home and she bonds with her new companion. I went to the vet this morning and he said that she wouldn't be getting better, even with more aggressive treatment. We agreed that it would be better for her to not have to suffer any more. We put Nikita to sleep today. I have to believe that this was for the best, and that she's somewhere else now free of her discomfort. I also have to believe that if there's any fairness in this universal plan, that she and I will be together again someday. This is about that only thing keeping me going right now. This was hands down the worst day of my life -- I'm completely shattered. At least I got to spend the last few weeks completely with Nikita. I guess that's the one great perk of academia. I'm going to take a break from the fml for a spell, so please don't bear me ill will if I disappear for a while. treasure every day, John [Posted in FML issue 3173]