Some time back, my mentor Rubrect Kirche von Gelehrsamkeit [G.] Bob Church
of Erudition, posted his best guess of when the discoverable historical
records seemed to offer the best proof of the time when the first ferret
was "adapted" to man's needs.
 
I just can't bring myself to write, "domesticated," because I am of the
considered opinion that only a dead ferret is truly domesticated.  Such
ferret is no longer capable of adapting further and has obviously reached
the pinnacle of its adaptation and can no longer ascend to greater heights
of development.  Therefore in the superlative sense of the adjectival use
of the noun modifier, "domesticated" is applicable and at no other time is
it so.
 
But, that's not the gist of my posting today, but rather the confusion that
clouds my mind is the mathmatic of the calendars and the date fixed by
Kirche von Gelehrsamkeit.
 
Oh, and by the way, I would most certainly invite unimpassioned discussion
of the pros and cons of my thesis that the use of the term, "domesticated"
applies to only a dead ferret.
 
Taking the dates, 1999, 2500, and 450 BC doesn't compute, I should think.
My reasoning goes like this: assuming that year 1 is the starting point
(there is no 0 or Zero year) and we subtract 1 from 1999 we get a
difference of 1998, right so far?  Thusly with the subtrahend of 2500 and
the minuend of 1998 a difference of 502 negative is differenced, or -502.
Does this appear reasonable?
 
Now what I don't understand is how Kirche von Gelerhrsamkeit arrived at the
number -450 or 450 Before Christ.  According to my reasoning, and it may
be flawed, as I invite you to show, the earliest date were looking to is
502 Before Christ.  It would appear that an error lurks here of 52 years.
Significant?  Naw, not really, but it is a matter of valid conjecture, is
it not?  By the way, the science of the calendar is, in reality, something
akin to gibberish.
 
Oh, and related to the calendar, the Y2K nomenclature associated with the
term "millennium" at year 2,000, it seems outwardly in conflict with
itself, does it not?  The term "millennium" is defined as 1,000 years;
there's no doubt about that whatsoever.  Hence if you add to year 1 the sum
of a millennium of 1,000 years, what do you get?  Obviously you get 1,001,
2,001, 3.001, etc.  So, you must agree with me I hope that the "millennium"
is to arrive at an infinitesimal distance of equatorial earth movement on
the order of 1 times minus 10 to the 9,999+ power of ten centillionths of a
millimeter just after midnight, Greenwich time, December 31, 2000.  Note:
earth rotation (actually a measure of "time") is given at 152.6 feet per
second west to east.  This translates to a ferret standing at the equator
would actually be moving at a speed of 152.6 feet in just one second with
respect to a fixed point in space, and this would be faster than any other
ferret standing north or south of the equator.
 
Hence, prior to December 31st this year I will have stored approximately
300 gallons of potable water and 500 pounds of ferret edibles, just in case
we realize the worst midwinter of that period Jan thru March, 2000 when it
appears more likely than not some if not all of our accustomed services
will be interrupted for possibly an extended time.  Obviously every ferret
shelter in the US (or worldwide for that matter) should accelerate
preparations for survival starting yesterday.  And as an afterthought, now
may be as good as time as any to learn how to make home-made ferret food.
If not, then acquire a loving relationship with the closest mormon.
 
Edward Lipinski, Ne cede malis. [L.]  Don't give way to misfortunes.
[Posted in FML issue 2575]