I would like to take a moment to announce the arrival of my newest family
member!  First..  a little background.
 
I had gone into the pet store to get a litterpan for my two, in preparation
for giving them free reign in the bedroom when I am not there.  I decided to
stop by the ferret cages to see how they were doing.  Much to my dismay, the
one last and lonely ferret that I had seen the month before, was still
there.... that, and they had been starting to not take the best of care of
him.  His toenails were HUGE..  to the point where I was concerned about him
having problems walking.  Speaking of huge... HE is huge..  compared to
Tenaka and Cayanne, anyway.  THis new guy is an MF fert, so he's been
neutered and descented.  Overall body length is roughly the same of Tenaka,
but he is about four months old now.  He weighs a good pound and a quarter
heavier than Tenaka, which puts him at or close to four pounds.  You can SEE
the fat on him when he walks (or Wardances..  then it is hysterical!)..  he
jiggles as much as a jello-bowl.  He hadn't been getting any run-time..  he
had been hept in the cage (I'll spare you the details... I am sure you can
fill in the blanks.  The cage was JUST big enough to give him a two step
walking range..).
 
So, I offered to clip the guys toenails.  The petstore owner readily agreed,
offering many such statements as "Gee, I don't know why he went that long.
Normally (snip) does such things regularly." The Linatone distraction
failed..  the poor thing did not know what it was!  Had never tasted it
before.
 
Well, needless to say, I fell in love with him, and the guy had been cutting
the price ever lower so he'd go home with someone.  I'd rather he go home
with me, where I know he'll be well cared for, rather than him ending up
like the $59.00 ferret I remember reading about a few weeks (months?) ago.
 
I understand the logic that people had when they said, "Don't buy from
petstores.  That just encourages them to buy more." And believe me..  I
almost let the guy stay in the shop for that reason.  But I just had trouble
with one thing..  Why should this sweetheart (and sweetheart he is..  just
put him back in the cage after a two hour siesta in my arms and lap..
something MY two won't do!) be the one to suffer in the shop?
 
So here is what I am going to do.  I am going to lie to the petshop owner.
I am going to tell him that the new fert had caught some infectious disease
when he had been in the shop and had died here at my apartment.  I am going
to tell the petstore owner that the thing has a HUGE out of host lifespan,
so he had best not get any ferrets ever again, because it can be carried by
a non-fert (IE: a dog or bird or some other animal in his store).  Can
anyone out there tell me the name of a disease that is somewhat fits this
description?  I would like to put this guy out of the ferret business, but I
need a name of something in case he does his research.  Any suggestions?
Please?
 
But on a brighter side, his name became readily apparent.  I had a friend
over (he'd been with me when I got the ferret) and we were playing with him
in the bathroom (secured ferretproof non-carpeted area) when he tried
climbing the bathmat I had draped over the tub so they could go on in after
a shower.  He paused, with his hindquarters hanging over our side, and my
friend took one look at the fert, then looked at me... and named the ferret.
So may I have the honor of introducing Jabba-the-Fert?
 
Many people have suggested names to me when I get a shelter ferret in honor
of the Fredonia fert that did not work out... the "Stodgy Old Lady" of the
FML in particular... :) But I cannot help it..  I didn't name the fert.  My
friend did... and the name fit so very well, I laughed for ten minutes
straight.  But rest assured..  I still have those names on email..  and will
save them against the day that ferret math strikes again, (I hope it won't..
I think three is my practical limit right now.) or agianst the sad but
guaranteed day one of mine forges a path to that reserved picnic table by
the stream at the Rainbow Bridge.
 
Take care, all, and well wishes and ferret-hugs for those with ill
fuzzy-beans, and those in FFZ's, and for all of us ferret people on the FML.
 
    Yours,
 
    Bryan Hall
[Posted in FML issue 1742]