My dearest Harley,
 
I'm so steamed!  I HATE our new sister and don't hesitate to let her know.
Mama spends lots of time housebreaking her.  I don't understand why she
can't just use a litterpan!  Honestly, the things that dog gets away with
are intolerable.
 
I'm trying to get everybody on my side, but the most I can do is get them
to hide from that silly dog.  But can you imagine?  That crazy Ozzie LOVES
her and plays with her for hours!  Right now I'm watching them run after
each other and roll all over the floor and mama's trying to take pictures
of it.  She's failing utterly...they move too fast!  I coulda told her
that!  We ferrets are speed demons!  Personally, I think she's wasting
time AND money!
 
Mama says I have a case of sour grapes!  Moi?  I'm the sweetest ferret
ever, and she better not ever forget it or I'll fix her wagon!  (Whatever
that means!)
 
Mama said your roommate disappeared for a couple of days.  Weren't you
and Mommie scared and worried?  Every now and then Amadeus hides for quite
awhile, as do Whisper and Sadie.  I'm the only one who has managed to
escape...oh!  That reminds me of another story!
 
Every night Mama gets up when that DOG (voice dripping disdain here) and
takes her outside.  One night I decided to take matters in my own paws and
slithered under the ferret room door.  When the doorway into the hall was
opened I charged down the stairs ahead of them!  Mama put Tegan down and
scooped me up.  I REALLY wanted to get outside and run amock, but mama
wouldn't let me get down.  (See the steam curling out of my ears!?)  I
haven't had ANY fun since that new sister of mine showed up.  Can I come
to Mississauga and share your cage?  I know your Mommie won't neglect me.
(SULK, SULK.)
 
Uh, oh....mama's coming.  Better send this before she reads it and finds
out I've been badmouthing her and that DOG!
 
Your beloved, Shiloh
[Posted in FML issue 3479]