Wanted to thank all who sent nice messages concerning my mother.  Thank you.
 
BTW, if _any_ of you doubt BIG computer abilities, I'm here to say the man
is a wizard.  He was able to identify the type of machine I am using just by
the trobles I have connecting to my server.  Amazing.  Thanks for the offer
of help, BIG, but my laptop should be here Monday or Tuesday, and the
problem will be solved.
 
I was asked if I believe in PC (political correctness) and the answer is
"NO!" I love words and words like "witch," "ass," and "butt" will have to be
pried from my cold dead lips before I will give them up.  Maybe someday I'll
name a ferret "Rat" just to bug a few of you....BTW, Ca can mean many
things, such as "cancer," "California," "calcium." etc.  You have to make up
your own minds what I mean by Ca-Ca.
 
Responding to the question of why a ferret yawns when their head is
scratched.  Don't know.  Mine do it all the time, even when I scratch their
necks.  About the only thing I can think of is that the scratching may
stimulate the jaw muscles, which on the ferret attach on the top of the
head, meet at the midline and run to the base of the skull.  Maybe someone
can get a NSF grant to study the phenomenon.  Maybe not...
 
Lynn (Is this the right name?  This damn machine won't let me check), I
_will_ drop by for some hungarian food!  I promise.  Sometime in July.
 
I was asked to post some ideas about fat ferrets.  Well, ferret physiology
is much like that of all mammals in the sense that they will get fat if
overfed and under-exercised.  All mustelids put on weight during the fall,
and because they have so much to eat in our nice little houses, they
maintain that weight all winter.  But in the spring, the weight should be
lost.  If they still look fat by summer, it is important to check to see if
the fat is really fat, and not bloat, masses, or something else.  For
example, some cancers, and liver and heart diseases (to name a few) can
cause the abdomen to fill with fluids, outwardly mimmicking obesity.  If it
pinches, it is probably fat, and if it shakes like jello or the waves in a
waterbed, suspect abdominal fluids.  If it feels tough or hard (not similar
to the texture in the stuff surrounding parts of your body) it could be a
tumor.  If you suspect fluids or masses, or just have serious doubts, check
with your vet immediately.  Or sooner.
 
As for the fat, as stated, most ferrets will naturally lose their winter
weight come spring, and certainly by summer.  While some might recommend
dietary changes, I recommend to first increase the physical activity of the
beastie to include running, jumping, and digging.  One of the games I play
is to tie a treat to a string (weighted by a wooden disk to prevent tooth
damage if the ferret grabs the wrong thing) and make the fert chase all over
the room for it.  Stella, who I should have named Susan because she is so
lazy, falls for this one all the time.  A great digging game I have used is
to buy a section of 10 inch plastic pipe about a foot or so long.  I take it
outside, and fill it with mud and river stones, and allow it to dry rock
hard.  I then saturate the plugged ends with "Rabbit Stink," a liquid you
can buy at shops that cater to training hunting dogs.  For some reason,
every ferret in the house will drop everything they are doing to dig through
that thing.  (I usually place it in a large cardboard box to keep the
tailings off the carpet.  It sometimes works...) The best part ie
everything, including the dirt, recycles.  In the winter, I dry the mud in
my oven.  I sometimes mix in some sand and a bit of plaster to help take
down the claws.  BTW, since I started doing this, the monsters have stopped
digging at the carpet.  Something to think about.
 
The point is, only weird ferrets overeat, and summertime fat is more of an
indication that the animal is underexercised rather than overfed.  This is
more of a problem with caged ferreties than free running ones, I might add.
As for the fat, ferret obesity causes the same types of difficulties in the
beasties as it does in us; it basically shortens the life span.
 
Oh yeah, one way of telling if the ferret is too fat is to hold it at the
chest allowing the body to hand free.  If they have a "Bubba Gut" they are
probably fat...excuse me, I mean weight challenged, or is it adipose tissue
advantaged?  My favorite way to test obesity uses the rib cage.  If you see
ribs and you feel them just under the skin, the ferret is too skinny (or
_very_ dehydrated).  If you can barely see the ribs, and can feel them with
some slight tissue on top of them, the ferret is about right.  If you can't
see the ribs, and can't easily feel them either, then the ferret is probably
fat.  If the upper arms are lost in a sea of flab, and your finger pushes in
an inch to feel the ribs, check to see if you didn't grab a summer sausage
by mistake.
 
Finally, raccoons are not mustelids (got four e-mails on this one) but
procyonids.  They belong to the Procyonidae, which includes ringtails,
raccoons, red pandas, kinkajous and coatis (some accounts place ringtails
and red pandas in different families but don't believe them).  However,
because they are both members of the Carnivora, they would still be cousins
to mustelids, albeit distant ones.  The "procyon" means "pre-dog" or
"before-dog." All procyonids are omnivores; ferrets are carnivores.
 
Bob missing the 14 Beasts (and 1 Visitor)
 
[Moderator's note: Re Bob's computer... heck, sometimes I luck out.
 
Anyhow, I had a couple of comments that I was going to turn into a post, but
I'm gotta get this out early today due to the NJ mess and I'm running late,
so I'll just briefly mention them here.  Do I hear a collective sigh of
relief?
 
First, regarding weight.  I've heard of lots of ferrets who seem to have
things a little reversed: they gain weight in the spring and lose it in the
fall.  I've assumed this is due to photoperiod clues being messed up by
artificial light as well as by some other clues that might be altered by
human intervention (i.e. food is available year round, and we have hot homes
in the winter and cool ones in the summer!)  Could the ferret in question
just be one of these allegedly backwards individuals?
 
Regarding yawns when scratching - I would think it approximates the stimuli
received by a mother scruffing a kit and it may also have something to do
with a mating response: the male garbs the female by the neck and this
typcially results in the female going limp.  (This is ferret talk people,
don't try this with your SO.) Thoughts, Bob?  OK, back to editing.  BIG]
[Posted in FML issue 1596]