This is Edward Lipinski of the Ferret Endowment for Research,
Rehabilitation, Education & Training Society, NorthWest,
F. E. R. R. E. T. S. NW, with an appeal to all of you who have breedable
ferrets and who are inclined a bit to the scientific.
 
I should like to produce a special type of ferret show for those of you who
have breedable ferrets of which you are very proud and would very much like
to get together and arrange possible breedings of your special ferret to
another ferret owner's ferret who would also have a special, super ferret.
The objective here would be to attempt the breeding of special "classes" of
ferrets (markings, sizes, physical traits, etc.) that could eventually lead
to "super race" of ferrets from which certain bodily cells (minute number
of living cells) could be removed for the DNA specific to your "super race"
ferret.  The ultimate objective here would be the cloning or the precise
and exact duplication of your favorite ferret so that after your special
ferret dies, there would that possibility to clone an exact replica of
your special guy or girl ferret.  There is the possibility then that your
favorite ferret, as represented by consecutive ferret clones, would have
a life span equal to or even surpassing yours.  In this manner you would
never be without your special ferret.  As far as you'd be concerned, your
ferret would live forever.
 
I should like to produce such a ferret show of breeder ferrets out of doors
and adjacent to a lake or at the edge shallows of a river.  In addition to
awards for several categories of breeder ferrets I should like to continue
the studies already underway by the Research department of FERRETS NW to
subject ferrets to competitive trials of various kinds, such as at the
olympics.
 
For example, two 25-foot race courses would be very accurately laid out,
one on grass and the other in water.  Each ferret would have 3 trial runs
with its handler along these courses and the best speed would be favored,
both on land and in the water.  The ferrets would be timed to the 1/100
second and their speed in miles per hour would then be computed.  The
objective here is to discover just how fast the average American ferret
can run and swim.  Ultimately these data would be published in a paper of
an appropriate veterinary journal.
 
The other pseudoscientific effort would be to investigate the hearing
and response sensitivity of ferrets to various stimuli under natural,
un-laboratory like conditions, such that ultimately a ferret call or
audible lure could be developed that would be the most effective in
"calling-in" a wayward, wandering, lost ferret.  To date the Research
department has worked with some few ferrets of the regional ferret
population and has determined which of several handler mouth-blown
predator calls stimulate a trotting or running response toward the
origin of the sound of the greatest number of ferrets in a given
population under various conditions of weather.
 
After several predator calls have been shown to attract ferrets, then the
characteristics of  the sound could be analyzed by acoustic engineers to
separate out the  frequency harmonics and the fundamental frequency using
an oscilloscope and a spectrum analyzer.  This effort would essentially
"purify" the right sound and harmonics of that sound to yield ultimately
a highly effective ferret "call" that would be nearly irresistable to the
lost ferret and thereby result in its easy recovery by its owner.
 
We are currently looking for a site beyond the city limits of Seattle and
King County, since these two entities impose severe insurance requirements
on organized activities such as ferret shows and ferret olympics.  Of
course the event would also have to be timed for good sunny weather at
temperatures not in excess of 80 degrees F.  and to be scheduled so as not
to conflict with any other regularly scheduled ferret frolics.
 
If sufficient interest is shown (require minimum of 50 people) then
organized efforts will be undertaken by the undersigned to initiate such
activities.  Please indicate your interest by email or telephone: Ferrets
NW @ [206] 232-1228.
 
Here's hoping we can get something started if enough interest is shown and
there are people who can help conduct the olympic events.
 
Edward Lipinski, who muses, " When everything is said and done, more is
said than done."
[Posted in FML issue 2698]