Q:"I enjoy your posts about ferrets...but I wonder if they ever do
   anything funny?"
 
A: They used to, but I couldn't afford the two drink minimum.
 
Actually, they do all the time.  One of the funniest things I've seen
lately was when Carbone was SND (sleeping, not dead) and I was dripping out
ferrettone as a treat.  Carbone was sleeping on his back, dead to the world
and was missing his chance, so I dripped a couple of small drops on his
protruding tongue.  He slowing started to lick the air while he was still
asleep, no doubt dreaming of the stuff.  Silly got wind of it, and ran over
and started to lick the ferretone off of Carbone's tongue.  For about three
minutes, Carbone would lick the air, and Silly would lick Carbone's tongue.
It was so absolutely comical, I couldn't resist but to place a couple more
drops on Carbone's tongue, which not only started the whole thing all over
again, but got Amber into the act.  The three-way tongue dance lasted 3-4
more minutes, when Carbone woke up, looked around as if to say "Wha?"
before galloping over for his treat.  I *still* can't help but chortle over
that one.
 
Another funny incident took place over the Four Mobsters; Silly, G.W.,
Tui and Carbone.  Oh yeah, and me.  The Four Mobsters are *ALL* rutting at
present (which was my very special Christmas present) and so are generally
tearing up the place.  They do wrestle each other, but since there are no
jills in heat, its relatively minor (well, depends on who is defining it, I
guess).  But they have been dragging everyone around, including each other,
and a couple of ferrets have started getting red and sore shoulders and
necks.  So I brought out the bitter apple cream and applied it liberally to
everyone.  (HINT: if there is a cut area, FIRST cover it with some greasy
ointment; the bitter apple cream stings like heck).
 
Well, to no surprise, Tui and Silly started a tug-o-war with Lady Noir, who
didn't like it one little bit.  Or bite.  So I went over with the bitter
apple dispenser in one hand and q-tips in the other.  Well, the dispenser
looks very similar to the one I use for ferretone, so the boys dropped Lady
and rocketed over for a treat.  They both immediately grabbed the q-tips,
covered liberally with bitter apple cream, and pulled them from my fingers.
Silly immediately dropped his, looked confused, then ran in circles
attempting to catch his tail or the guy who was tweaking his tongue.  He
ran back to the q-tip several times, sniffing and tenatively licking it,
then finally ran over to the water dish and sucked fluids for several
minutes.
 
Tui chewed on his, as if to say, "Big deal!" I thought about it for a
moment, then decided the q-tip must not have had much bitter apple cream
in it, so put a good dollop on another q-tip to see if Tui had the same
reaction.  Now, between you and me, I know it was a nasty trick, but Tui is
such a huge and strong guy that I didn't want any accidents to occur where
he might hurt someone, so I decided it was better to have an aversion to
the bitter apple than an injury.  I stuck the q-tip in Tui's mouth.  Now,
Tui is part real, wild European polecat, and that part took over, driving
Tui's legs to a feverish pitch as he raced around the room at about 30 mph.
I never saw a ferret run so fast in my life!  On about the fourth lap, he
dashed over, and grabbed the q-tip from my hand and started dancing over
the room, all fluffed out, biting and tearing at the q-tip.  When he was
sure he killed it, he bounced over, sniffed the dispenser tip of the bitter
apple bottle, and tried to kill it as well.
 
Elizabeth had been watching the entire thing, drawn in perhaps by my
labored hooting, and remarked that what I had done was unethical and
immoral.  She followed her verbal spanking with a challenge for *ME* to
taste the stuff.  It was a double-dog dare.  What could I do?  So a new
(un-killed) q-tip went under the apple and into my mouth.  Ever taste one
of those super megatart candies?  Mix it with a bit of alum and you have
the right nastiness.  Yech!  So I had no choice.  I killed the q-tip and
raced to the kitchen for some healing Pepsi.  Now, the funny thing is, like
Andrew and his mega-sours, Tui likes the stuff.  I caught him *LICKING* the
stuff from the necks of other ferrets, then running to the water dish for a
slurp, and then back to the neck.  He still runs around a little, but
always goes back for a lick.
 
My last tale relates to a problem I've had in an area directly in front of
my most-used bookcase--the one I pull books from on nearly a daily basis.
The entire business took a vote and decided it would be a grand latrine,
and nothing I could do convinced them otherwise.  Now the problem is that
bookcase is directly behind my chair, so if I wasn't careful, I could roll
over little presents when reaching for a book.  I finally resorted to
putting down a plastic carpet protector, which worked fine in stopping the
poo-pee from crushing into the carpet, but the chair was bogging down.  So
I put the rear wheels on a cafeteria dining tray.  Worked great!  But the
dining tray, being exactly over the old latrine spot, was immediately
recognized as the best place to go in town.  Didn't bother me, and instead
of wasting paper to clean it up, I would simply take it outside and wash it
off.  Good for the plants, repels mice, not a problem.  Well, except on
Christmas day, when I was gone most of the afternoon.  When I returned, the
tray was almost completely covered, so I hoisted it up and walked outside
to wash it off.  As I was exiting, Elizabeth was bringing in her friend to
watch a video.  After I passed, I heard him say to Elizabeth, "You dad sure
has a strange idea of hors d'oeuvres...."
 
Bob C and 20 Mo' Carpet Clowns
[Posted in FML issue 2540]