Kat Parsons of the FML is in dire need of help.  She has a pscyhological
illness that drives her to bring ferrets home compulsively.  She may have
a neurosis called Weasilitis.  Or worse.... a pscyhosis called Ferretus
Accumulodius.  I am really praying it's just a transient and benign case
of Iwannaweasus, but I don't think this is the case.
 
This woman rubs weasils compulsively to the point of having raw skin (her
not the ferrets).  I figure she must dance about in fits and twitches to
avoid stepping on house ferrets.  She is infested my friends.
 
If this can not be treated (you can only help those who want to be helped
after all...sigh), then we can help the prevention of this spiraling into
a full out weasil outbreak.
 
I say to you that if there is one said Kat Parsons within earshot proceed
as follows:
 
1) Please remove all ferrets from the vicinitity promptly.
2) Bite Kat on the back of the neck, and get her by the scruff.
3) Drag her accross the room (she shouldn stop kicking and screaming by
   this point) and,
4) firmly say "NO".
5) Say "NO" again.
6) Show her you face in a displeased fashion.
7) Shake your finger at her (be careful that she doesn't bite you), and
   shake your head no (make sure she is not squeezing her eyes shut or has
   her hands on her ears).
8) If she smells a ferret and dives for one, repeat the process.
 
PS. Tommy is no help... do not bother calling him.
 
Beware of becoming an enabler to this illness.  There are such personality
types that may be deterimental as displayed in such individuals as Ron
Carter, Judy Cooke, Kevin Bonner, etc..
 
Be strong.  Fight Ferret Math... it disables.
 
Wolfy
 
Please visit:
http://www.geocities.com/wolfysluv/
for information on ferret deafness:
http://www.geocities.com/wolfysluv/deaf.html
[Posted in FML issue 3494]