Well it's with a very heavy heart that I type this email this morning.
As some of you might remember, my little guy has been sick for awhile.
He passed away in my arms this morning at 4am.  This past week had been
a great week for him.  I saw a side to him that I hadn't seen in months.
It's hard to believe that this time yesterday morning he was playing in a
plastic bag with his sister, Cindy.  I've often heard that the body will
appear to be stronger not long before death.  And that this is a last
ditch effort when someone is dying.
 
CJ was my angel.  It is 7am here in Arizona.  I have not gone to bed
yet.  I left CJ in good spirits yesterday morning before I left for work.
Last night I went to feed him his duck soup and I knew something was not
right.  The life was leaving his dark eyes.  I held him up to my face and
told him that if he felt like it was time to go then it's okay.  Then I
said that if he decided to stay that I would continue to take care of
him.  I felt that he understood.  A few minutes later he appeared to lose
consciousness.  His breathing became heavier and raspy.  I held him on
the couch all evening.  Around 2am I tucked him into his sleep sack and
brought him into bed with me.  I dozed until 4am.  His breathing and his
heartbeat must have just stoppped.  His little body was still warm.  I
called the 24 hour vet and through my tears explained the situation.
Then I brought him in where Petey and Cindy were sleeping so that they
could say goodbye.  My boyfriend stayed up with my pretty much the whole
night, too.  He drove to the vets where CJ will be cremated.  The girls
behind the counter were very compassionate.  I cried until I almost made
myself sick.  Heck, I'm still crying now.  They wrapped CJ in a big
fluffy white towel and I said my goodbyes.  Once at home I went outside
to be by myself.  I sat in a big pine rocker on the front porch and
watched the birds.  I've noticed in the past couple of weeks that there
have been a lot of birds flying around my house.  Maybe it is just
coincidence.
 
I will miss CJ so much.  My heart is in about a million peices right now.
He was my first ferret.  He would have been 7 in July.  He had belonged
to an exboyfriend and when the relationship ended CJ became mine.  He
was the best thing to come out of that.  I still remember finding out he
was adrenal back when we were living in Massachusetts.  We drove to New
Hampshire for the surgery.  I remember how CJ won a ribbon for being the
fastest ferret out of a paper bag at a Ferret Show in N.  Conway, NH.  I
also remember driving cross country with my three little guys almost two
years ago now and seeing CJ's little face in the rear view mirror as he
sat in his hammock in the travel cage.  I am grateful for the time I've
had with CJ.  He's had so many close calls in his life time.  For the
past two months he has been hand fed.  In that time we forged a bond so
close that time won't tear apart.  He was the love of my life.  I try to
think of my pets as being 'on loan' if you will.  They are here to teach
us something.  Then God takes them back when the lessons are learned.  I
learned so much about love and compassion from CJ.  Mission complete, my
little man.
 
I also want to thank Lois and Richard Caselman for sending us a set of
Tazzie's Wheels.  They arrived Friday night along with lots of ferret
goodies.  I loved the sign 'CJ Mobile' emblazoned on the side.  My only
regret was not taking pictures on Friday night.  I didn't think there was
such little time left.  I don't know what I'll do with myself now.  I've
gotten very use to feedings every couple of hours.  There will definitely
be a hole in my life for awhile.  I hope I will feel a cold ferret nose
on my ankle soon like so many of you said you have after one of your
little ones has passed.  Recently I went to the archives of the FML and
did a search on CJ.  I found years of questions asked.  It was neat to
look back that way on CJ's lifetime.  He will be sorely missed.
 
Terribly missing CJ,
Jennifer, Cindy, & Pete in AZ
[Posted in FML issue 4152]